Why Can't Some Men be Faithful to One Woman?
Depends what you mean by “faithful”. Does it mean to be faithful emotionally, sexually, romantically or some combination of all three? And does faithful mean being involved (romantically, sexually, emotionally) exclusively with your partner?
Once you have answered those questions coherently, let’s explore being sexually faithful since I assume that is what you mean.
The short answer is that faithful is the wrong word to use in a sexual context; especially when you are talking about having sex with those other than your partner.
What is important to note is that monogamy is a choice we make as humans, but evidence has shown it is not necessarily the natural state for us. This means that it is totally normal to feel attracted to many people at once. So yes, you may be committed to your partner, but you can feel sexually or romantically attracted to anyone else at the same time. This is normal and is what is inherently human.
Why is this normal?
What we firstly have to understand is that we humans are just hunter gatherers at heart. Or even more fundamentally we are just conscious apes. So to understand our nature we have to understand the nature of how hunter gatherers behaved, and how our closest ape relatives - the bonobo - behaved. The bonobos and our hunter gatherer ancestors had sex with almost everyone in the tribe and it was considered a pleasure of life. It was used as a social bonding tool and a tool to appease conflict. There was no issue of remaining monogamous or committed as that concept did not exist back then. We were continually attracted to multiple people at once. So really, our hunter gatherer/bonobo instincts have never left us, even if we live in 2017 and have wonderful smart phones to answer questions on.
Does this mean cheating on your partner is legitimized?
No. Cheating is a combination of lying, deception and withholding information from your partner. Very unhealthy for any relationship. It is not necessarily having sex with someone other than your partner (but most of the time, it is). Communication is key, especially if you feel you are attracted to other people. It is also healthy to bring up polyamory; of course you may not agree with it, but it is important to air it out with your partner.
So, answering your question. “Can a man really be faithful to one woman”. The answer is “yes”, with the caveat that you know what “faithful” means. And the second caveat is that “it goes both ways” i.e. the question “can a woman really be faithful to one man” is just an equally puzzling question.
An interesting book to help answer this question:
“Sex at Dawn” by Dr. Christopher Ryan, anthropologist.
I believe that most people remain faithful throughout their life with their partners in the real world. There is much more adultery in the fictions and the movies than in the real life. The very fact that such fictions sell all over the world like hot cake is because most of the people are faithful and they find it entertaining, amusing and gratifying to see people who are cheating each other.
There are strong reasons to remain faithful to your partner throughout your life.
1: Religion
Religion is an important part of our life. Almost everything that we do in the world can be traced backed to some religion. All religions teach people to be faithful to their spouses. Adulatory is a sin whose punishment is quite severe in the afterlife. Adultery is one of three justifications for killing a person, according to Muhammad[1]. Bible says the following
- He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. (Proverbs 6:32 ESV)
- But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)
2: Reasoning
Reasoning is the most distinguishing faculty of man. A man knows that the joy of adultery would last only for few minutes or hours but the pain and disgrace of adultery last for life. You can never regain the trust of your partner, if you had been found to be unfaithful to her once. The cost of being unfaithful are too high to be borne by any sensible man.
3: Disgrace
Who don’t remember the famous episode of the American President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. This became the talk of town not only in USA but in the whole world. You can easily imagine the disgrace to the family, particularly to the children of Clinton. You tend to lose all respect in the society, if you are discovered cheating your spouse.
4: Joy of Faithfulness
There is a great joy to be discovered when partners are faithful to each other. They become two bodies but one soul as they conceal nothing from each other. When the people trust each other, heaven is created in this world itself. That is why faith is synonym not only of religion but also of trust. Such trust matures with years and bear fruits when you need it most towards the declining years of your life.
Mark Twain said it so beautifully, “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”
