How do I improve socially?

How to Develop Social Skills as an Introvert

If you feel like you’re the awkward person at social events or you struggle to enter into conversations because you’re shy, it can impact your social life and your career.

However, you can start improving your social skills by following these 12 strategies and soon, you’ll be able to enter into conversations with confidence.

1. Behave Like a Social Person

You can behave like a more social creature, even if you don’t feel like it.

Don’t allow anxiety to hold you back. Make the decision to talk to new people and to enter into conversations even when you’re feeling nervous about it.

Over time, it will get easier and you’ll quickly start improving your social skills.

How To Overcome Shyness And Social Anxiety

2. Start Small if Necessary

If going to a party or spending time in a crowd seems overwhelming, start small.

Go into the grocery store and say, “Thank you,” to the clerk or go to a restaurant and order your food. Practice making small talk gradually.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

If you want the attention off you in a conversation, get familiar with open-ended questions. Encourage others to talk so you won’t have to make the idle chit-chat.

Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer and you may open the door to invite the other person to keep the conversation going.

Take a look at these tips on How to Be Amazingly Good at Asking Questions.

HOW TO BE SOCIAL - HOW TO NEVER RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY

4. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

Most people really enjoy talking about themselves. Ask a question about a person’s career, hobbies, or family. Show you’re interested in hearing what is being said.

If you want to keep the conversation going, you should make it like playing ping pong. Learn more about it here: How to Connect With Someone Deeper Within a Short Time

5. Create Goals For Yourself

Establish some small goals for yourself. Perhaps you want to practice one particular skill or maybe you want to start attending a social activity in your community.

Establish a goal and begin to work on strategies that will improve your social life.

Even better, learn to use SMART Goal to help you communicate better.

How to be socially magnetic | Ben Chai | TEDxSurreyUniversity

6. Offer Compliments Generously

Compliments can be a great way to open the door to a conversation. Offer a co-worker a compliment on a presentation he gave at a meeting or compliment your neighbor on his new car.

Compliments can show others that you are friendly and there’re more reasons Why You Should Pay a Compliment to Someone Every Day.

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7. Read Books About Social Skills

There are many books on the market that can help you learn specific social skills and ways to start conversations.

HOW TO MASTER SOCIAL SKILLS | FOR SHY INTROVERTED GUYS | TALK TO GIRLS

However, keep in mind that reading about these skills won’t make you an expert. You’ll need to practice them over and over again.

Some books recommendations here: 20 Powerful Books to Win You Friends and Influence More People

8. Practice Good Manners

Good manners go a long way in improving social skills. Practice being polite, showing gratitude, and using good table manners.

9. Pay Attention to Your Body Language

Non-verbal communication is very important. Pay attention to the type of body language you use.

Try to appear relaxed, make appropriate amounts of eye contact, and appear open to conversation.

Learn how to properly use your body languages here: Be Instantly Irresistible With These 10 Body Language Tips

10. Join a Social Skills Support Group

Many communities offer social skill support groups. Support groups help people who feel shy, awkward, or extremely anxious in social situations learn and practice new skills.

HOW TO CHARM ANYONE | SOCIAL MAGNETISM

You’ll start improving social skills and may be able to make new friends who understand your difficulties.

11. Stay Up to Date on Current Events

Read up on current trends and news stories so you have something to talk about with people.

Try to avoid anything that is too controversial, such as politics, but do talk about other news stories that may be of interest.

It can be a great way to start a conversation and can help you stick to neutral subjects.

12. Identify and Replace Negative Thoughts

If you have a lot of negative thoughts about your social interactions, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I’m really awkward and I will embarrass myself,” may sit in the corner at a party. As a result, he may leave the party thinking that he must be really awkward because no one talked to him.

Identify negative thoughts that are likely dragging you down. Replace them with more realistic thoughts such as, “I can make conversation and I can meet new people.”

HOW TO TALK TO GIRLS | NEVER RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY | KEEP A CONVERSATION GOING

Don’t allow yourself to dwell on thoughts that aren’t productive! Find out How Not to Let Negative Thoughts Trump the Positive Vibes.

Good social skills are essential for effective communication. If you find socializing with others a challenge, start to take on my suggestions and practice each of them consistently.

Great social skills don’t come easily, you need to practice yourself and really try these tips by talking with others.

First, to improve socially, you need not be shy. Remove that barrier first, build up your confidence and you will have the foundation to improve on your social skills.

Next, as they say, practice makes perfect. We are not born as great communicators. It is a skill that is learnt over time and it takes a lot of trial and error.

In fact, good social skills are learnt through experience that is gained in time. This is something that you can't learn overnight. You need experience in many different situations to be successful.

I would say, every time you don't have a good or witty response, think about a good response later and remember that response for the same situation is likely to occur in the future.

Do this and think of common situations and witty responses for each situation and you will be a more wittier and better communicator.

Also, remember to listen, be honest, empathize and sympathize, control your emotions well, and step away from negativity.

Watch my video about social skills and dating, it has some good information.

HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE LIKE ZEUS | HAILED FROM MOUNT OLYMPUS

You have that problem too, do you? I know how you feel as I also feel very uncomfortable standing on the edge of a circle but not actually part of it. Making small talk at parties and social gatherings is very hard and I feel for you. Lisa Beccia has a great idea, so I would suggest that you start by getting "up" with the latest TV shows and gossip. That's so that you know what they're discussing and won't look as though you are clueless! Once you have insinuated yourself into a group, be a good listener. People love to babble away about themselves, and all you have to do is occasionally ask a question or nod wisely. Being social takes practice and if you gently add a little more to your social skills, you will be fine. Always remember that many other people are just as shy as you are. They are looking for something to say too, so seek out the shy ones as well. They will be only too grateful for your attention :)

Use a tactic of introducing someone else (you don't have to know them either) to the group.
Observe the group. Look for another 'wallflower'. Grab said wallflower and say 'I want to introduce you to these people over here.' Start walking to the other group.
Pardon yourself for the interruption, but you just wanted to introduce <pick a person in the group, but not the obvious leader> and look at them so they pick up the social cue to give their name. Then introduce that person to your random wingman. Continue around the group. Insinuate yourself into the conversation. Laugh a few times at the funny things they say. Pick a different person from the original group and do the same thing with the next group.

You've just started 'working' a party. You'll introduce lots of people to each other and, most important, you'll be the one who opened the door for everyone to mix it up.

Keep up the good work!

 I want to respond to one point in particular...

" One thing that is incredibly tough for me is entering a circle of people talking."

First, that is common and will be all your life! Second, this is more a problem with them than with you. Young people are almost all a little socially awkward. The proper response when someone joins a circle is to acknowledge them, at least with eye contact. It's one of those minor social interactions that most people eventually learn as they grow older, but young people in particular tend to miss these courtesy-based cues.

Improving Your Social Skills

As for building close friendships, I've found that those happen more one-on-one than I groups. Perhaps look for ways to have more one-on-one conversations with people you enjoy and have something in common with. Friendships are often built on sharing secrets. Not deep, dark secrets, just things you don't tell many people. Maybe make a list of the things that make you unique or unusual and consider which of those you might want to share with someone. It could also be things about your past that you don't share with just anyone. The way a person reacts to these things is a great indicator of whether or not you should be good friends.

Teens should not worry about socialization. Rather it is advisable to restrict yourself and give more time and attention towards studies. That has to be your aim. Socialization will automatically come in to your life. You just have to wait for the moment.

So, question does not arise regarding improving in this area. Once your need drops, you would become more sober and appear having businessman-like approach. Stay calm. Keep cool. Remain on the outlook for a good bunch. Do not worry for the groups around you talking. If you are hesitant in entering physically, do not do that and also do not feel the pressure.

You will manage this problem sooner or later.

How To Improve Your Social Skills

How can I practice social skills alone?

This morning, I got a first hand glimpse of how good social skills make all the difference in the world. I watched an individual who looked tired and angry (but other than that was attractive) get told that the coffee machine at a local gas station was out of order, then less than five minutes later, a smiling, upbeat gentleman (who was also overweight) asked about the coffee machine and almost immediately the person behind the counter went over, took a look at it, and got it working.

Here are nine social skills you can practice throughout your day that will open all kinds of little doors for you and eventually lead you to financial rewards as well.

Look people in the eye. Whenever you have any sort of interaction with anyone, look them directly in the eye and hold it for just a second or two – don’t let it devolve into a stare. If they return the look, you can hold it for a bit longer. This is a quick way to subtly show the other person that they can have confidence in you.

Simple Social Skills

Smile. Smile at everyone. Smile when you’re looking someone in the eye. Always smile at anyone providing any service to you. Always smile at children and the elderly. If you do it enough, it begins to come smoothly and naturally. This is a quick way to lift the mood of the others around you, and thus they begin to associate you with the positive mood lift.

Remember as many names as you can. Every person loves to hear their name said back to them, because it’s a sign to them that they have value to someone else. Thus, by saying someone’s name to them in a greeting, you’re showing that you remember and value them as an individual. Try as hard as you can to pick up names quickly and then use them when you greet them upon a second or third interaction.

Offer greetings to anyone and everyone. A well placed “good morning” or “good afternoon” can often make all the difference in the world. It innately creates a sense of goodwill in the other person. For example, if you’re starting a new job and can manage to come in the front door, greet the administrative assistant, and say something like, “Good morning, Mike,” you’re already on your way to establishing a healthy and positive relationship with that person.

10 Essential People Skills You Need to Succeed

Ask questions. If you are like me and often have a hard time starting a conversation, ask a question, even if it’s something as generic as “What’s new?” This allows them to feel welcomed into a conversation with you, breaking down any potential barriers. If you can remember a fact or two about the person, this is almost always good fodder for a conversation opener: there’s one person in my office who enjoys the television series Lost, so I often use it as a conversation opener with him by saying, “Did you catch Lost the other night?” This makes people feel comfortable in conversation.

If you don’t know what to say, ask another question. You can usually build from anything that has previously been said with another question. This enables the other person to continue talking, and for most people an invitation to talk and an open ear means that they are being welcomed. That doesn’t mean you should just sit and ask questions, but that if you are completely stuck, ask another question.

Talk about your own mistakes. When conversing with someone regularly, I find it is always useful to eventually admit to smaller mistakes of my own. Mistakes make you appear human, and thus the thing you relate about yourself should regularly include imperfections. If the other person sees you as human and having small faults, you will seem more real and thus they’re more willing to accept you and include you. Keep the mistakes small and real, though; don’t suddenly say something like “Once, I ran the lawnmower over the cat.”

Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People | Vanessa Van Edwards | Talks at Google

Take an interest in what is important to them. If the conversation starts to go down a path that you know nothing about, don’t withdraw. Instead, admit you know little about it and ask them to explain. Most people eat this up because not only do they get to talk about something familiar, but they get to relate from a position of superior knowledge, which is something many people enjoy. Even if the topic is boring to you, pay attention. Look at the person, smile, and nod. What I do is try to formulate connections to things that do interest me, like if I hear a woman go on and on about her purse, I try to make connections to personal finance and ask something like, “Where did you buy that?” and so on. This makes it appear as though I’m interested in what she’s interested in, but I’m also attempting to leverage my own interests.

Keep clean. I can’t stress this enough: cleanliness is one of the biggest keys to successful social encounters. It makes you appear in a more positive fashion to everyone around you.

How To INSTANTLY Connect With Anyone

Become knowledgeable on topics, even if you never had an interest in them.

When I was younger, I was shy. I had little interest in anything anybody was doing and felt everything was stupid. Sports? dumb. Today’s music? Not up to my standards. Things I didn’t understand, I wrote off as uninteresting.

Basically, I was so narrow minded to what I felt was great, that I ignored becoming educated on great areas to bond with people over. I decided at one point in my life to expand my horizons and keep up with other people’s interests.

I joined a fantasy football league a couple years ago for the sole purpose of expanding my football knowledge. Guess what? Now I’m a football fan. I can strike up a conversation with any dude I come across that also enjoys football and use that as a platform to socialize and establish a bond. I’ve since started a fantasy football league with some coworkers. It’s a great excuse to get the group together and watch the games on a Sunday. People like people they find fun and interesting. Take up as many hobbies, interests, projects, and activities as possible so you can establish possible talking points. Socializing begins when you can find common ground with another person in things you are both interested in.

Having educated anecdotes and talking points for as many subjects of conversation as possible, makes it easier to open the door to social situations that may lead to something more permanent like actual friendships.

Subjects that have worked for me (if you are a guy):

How To Be More Sociable

• Learn Your Sports Teams - the most obvious and cliche one. Stay current with your city’s sports trivia. How is your team doing? How are the players doing?
• Learn to Golf - it’s a great way to bond with people over a 4–5 hour period outside, with some beers, away from the wives.
• Learn Your City - Honestly, be knowledgeable on what’s fun in your city. For instance: have an arsenal of great happy hours at various locations, what has the best steak? seafood? korean bbq? People love eating and drinking. Be a source of info for them.

Don’t be snobby and a not-it-all. It’s not about you showing off what you know, it’s about them liking what you can offer. Then you can pay attention to what they have to say. Learn from them. Take an interest in their subjects of knowledge. “Oh, so you enjoy fly-fishing? I know nothing about that, so please, tell me more.” “Wow, i never knew there was an all-you-can-eat sushi place in that part of town, tell me more”. That’s my two cents! :)

If you feel like you’re the awkward person at social events or you struggle to enter into conversations because you’re shy, it can impact your social life and your career. However, you can start improving your social skills by following these 12 strategies and soon, you’ll be able to enter into conversations with confidence.

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. Behave Like a Social Person

You can behave like a more social creature, even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t allow anxiety to hold you back. Make the decision to talk to new people and to enter into conversations even when you’re feeling nervous about it. Over time, it will get easier and you’ll quickly start improving your social skills.

2. Start Small if Necessary

If going to a party or spending time in a crowd seems overwhelming, start small. Go into the grocery store and say, “Thank you,” to the clerk or go to a restaurant and order your food. Practice making small talk gradually.

HOW TO BE MORE SOCIAL | 4 Ways To Be a Social Butterfly

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

If you want the attention off you in a conversation, get familiar with open-ended questions. Encourage others to talk so you won’t have to make the idle chit-chat. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer and you may open the door to invite the other person to keep the conversation going.

4. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

Most people really enjoy talking about themselves. Ask a question about a person’s career, hobbies, or family. Show you’re interested in hearing what is being said.

5. Create Goals For Yourself

Establish some small goals for yourself. Perhaps you want to practice one particular skill or maybe you want to start attending a social activity in your community. Establish a goal and begin to work on strategies that will improve your social life.

6. Offer Compliments Generously 

Compliments can be a great way to open the door to a conversation. Offer a co-worker a compliment on a presentation he gave at a meeting or compliment your neighbor on his new car. Compliments can show others that you are friendly.

7. Read Books About Social Skills

There are many books on the market that can help you learn specific social skills and ways to start conversations. However, keep in mind that reading about these skills won’t make you an expert. You’ll need to practice them over and over again.

How to Never Run out of Things to Say - Keep a Conversation Flowing!

8. Practice Good Manners 

Good manners go a long way in improving social skills. Practice being polite, showing gratitude, and using good table manners.

9. Pay Attention to Your Body Language

Non-verbal communication is very important. Pay attention to the type of body language you use. Try to appear relaxed, make appropriate amounts of eye contact, and appear open to conversation.

10. Join a Social Skills Support Group

Many communities offer social skill support groups. Support groups help people who feel shy, awkward, or extremely anxious in social situations learn and practice new skills. You’ll start improving social skills and may be able to make new friends who understand your difficulties.

11. Stay Up to Date on Current Events

Read up on current trends and news stories so you have something to talk about with people. Try to avoid anything that is too controversial, such as politics, but do talk about other news stories that may be of interest. It can be a great way to start a conversation and can help you stick to neutral subjects.

12. Identify and Replace Negative Thoughts

If you have a lot of negative thoughts about your social interactions, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, a person who thinks, “I’m really awkward and I will embarrass myself,” may sit in the corner at a party. As a result, he may leave the party thinking that he must be really awkward because no one talked to him.

How to Talk to Anyone with Ease and Confidence

Identify negative thoughts that are likely dragging you down. Replace them with more realistic thoughts, such as, “I can make conversation and I can meet new people.” Don’t allow yourself to dwell on thoughts that aren’t productive.

There is an element of intentional practice to this. The first step is just to be there. A person has to make the choice to spend their time with other people and to be present in whatever social setting they are in. Do not over look the facts, this is a choice, people can chose not to be around others. This is active and takes effort. This is a physical as well as a mental presence.

A common immediate response is a stress reaction. A person must observe their own thoughts and emotions. A person must move slowly to start, let the stress go; no one is watching and if a person is quiet, so what? Again, this takes practice. Know it will happen and be mentally prepared. Calm body language, positive affect and relaxed demeanor do wonders for likability. I repeat, a person can not talk and still be likeable, listening is a highly desirable trait.

Observe- Just watch the people around you and listen to what are they talking about and what are they interested in.

Ask to join - Some people are interested in talking, others are not. Ask. “Hi, you look cool, can I join?” or “Hi this topic sounds really interesting, mind if I listen?”

Ask good questions - Again asking questions and actively listening does wonders for a person’s likeability and perceived level of social competence.

Be well read - Speaking of competence, once a person gets comfortable with entry stages of socialization and a person wants to take on more social responsibility it is important for them to have a few areas of domain expertise. When asked what do you do? It is not always about a job, it can be about interests. Having a few scripts to introduce your favorite topic “I really like to…” or “My expertise is in…” and topics that a person actually likes to discuss will do wonders in developing confidence and competence.

How To Make Small Talk With Anyone

Lastly and most importantly, socialize through an activity! I can not stress this enough. There is huge pressure to be social or to socialize more as an ends in and of itself. This is just not reality. People either work or play together in “real life”. For this to happen, there needs to be some kind of shared activity. Join a club, play sports, join a foreign language group or take a class. All of the people skills will come naturally and more importantly the pressure is not on being good socially; there is an outlet to work on collaboratively and together. Always have an outlet to work on yourself and improving your world. Social skill take on whole new dimensions at this point.

What causes poor social skills?

There are many reasons why a person may have a social skills deficit. It could occur because of a lack of knowledge, such as the inability to acquire new skills, or because of a competency deficit. Sometimes, the person may know how to perform the social skill, but they may struggle to perform because of limited practice or inadequate feedback. There may also be internal or external factors that interfere with the person performing the social skill, such as anxiety or chaotic surroundings. Here are five common types of social skills deficits.

Basic Communication Skills

These include the ability to listen, follow directions and refrain from speaking. For example, listening skills involve the abilities of concentration and ignoring distractions. Good listening skills are demonstrated through indicating attention, such as nodding and smiling, and giving feedback on what has been said or discussed. It also includes the ability to refer to past comments, such as tying a current statement to a previous one, or query about potential, future ideas, actions and events. Basic communication skills include body language and behaviors, like eye contact, physical stillness and emotional attentiveness while the other person is talking.

Why 99% of people never improve their social skills and are stuck

Empathy and Rapport Skills

Certain cognitive, behavioral and mental health conditions may limit an individual’s ability to feel empathy and connect with others. This includes Autism, which comes with documented social impairments, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Those who suffer from severe social anxiety and those who are highly self-conscious may display either too little or too much focus on someone else. This means that some people with anxiety are desperate to please others and avoid confrontation, so they will pay close attention to what others say, or always volunteer to help or do favors. Opposite of this, some people will feel overwhelmed by their social environment and simply shut down around others.

Interpersonal Skills

Interpersonal skills include the abilities of sharing, joining activities, asking for permission and waiting turns. Those who have a social skill deficit may struggle with asking accurate and concise questions. Being unable to ask a simple question creates barriers to obtaining information and initiating a conversation. Those who struggle to ask questions will appear disinterested and even anti-social. Those with poor social skills may prefer to ask closed questions because these elicit brief and controlled responses. For adults with limited social skills, they may struggle to understand proper manners in different social contexts and settings.

Problem Solving Skills

Problem solving involves asking for help, apologizing to others, deciding what to do and accepting consequences. Some people may struggle to identify the root causes of problems, so they can’t fully understood potential solutions or strategies. Those who struggle with solving problems may be morbidly shy or clinically introverted. They may prefer to avoid problems because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Those who struggle with solving problems will most likely have poor conflict resolution skills. Some children struggle to appropriately deal with teasing, while some adults have difficulties dealing with losing to competition.

Accountability

Some people are petrified of being criticized in public. They may struggle with accepting blame for problems or dealing with constructive feedback. Some people naturally associate accountability with reliability and maturity. Someone who promises to do something and then fails to do it may have a legitimate excuse, but their overt lack of accountability may indicate that they are unreliable and immature. Accountability is also an essential part of conflict management because recognizing mistakes are an excellent way to indicate a conciliatory and cooperative attitude.

What’s A Sign You Have No Social Skills? - AskReddit

Those who want to improve their social skills should focus on imitating desirable attitudes and eliminating undesirable behaviors. They can use modeling, role-playing and performance feedback to improve their specific social skills deficit.

Push yourself into uncomfortable social situations, and then express yourself just a little bit more than you care to, while also cultivating an attitude of not caring too much about how you are being perceived.

If you are a good person and you treat people with respect, you shouldn't have to spend too much time worrying about what others are thinking about you.

Learning how to comfortably socialize is like learning any other skill. It takes practice. And if you can maintain your sense of humor while avoiding those self conscious thoughts that would paralyze any one, your practice will inevitably produce results.

And try to enjoy the pleasure of other people's company. Socializing should eventually become effortless. Don't put pressure on yourself.

But make sure that you are around the right people. You may not be able to comfortably socialize with every crowd of people you encounter, nor should you want to.

Find people you genuinely like. So instead of worrying whether they will like you, make sure you like them.

I would like to understand where you are coming from.

The book that changed my social life

• Why do you think that you are not social, and you need to improvize?
• Do you consider yourself as introverted, or lacking platforms to socialize?
• What is the objective of socializing - finding friends, love, jobs, business, networking?

Start online and find the circles relevant to your geography and interest. If there is someone with whom you share something in common, meet them up with proper appointments.

Start going for a walk in the park. People are in a relaxed mood, and willing to talk. You can start with befriending their pet or child, to strike a conversation.

If your kind of crowd is found in pubs, start visiting those. I would not advise coffee shops, as people do not like to be disturbed from their cellphone reveries.

Attend events, symposiums, workshops. You find people with a shared interest, concentrated in a hall.

If it does not work, and you are happy with a close circle of friends, stay there. There is a premium attached to extroversion, which is not always worth it.