10 Tips for Making Friends in a New City/State
How do I find friends after moving?
Moving to a new city can be difficult if you’re used to going out with your friends and having a big social life. Making friends in a new city has its challenges, but it doesn’t have to be hard.
Even neighborhoods aren’t the same as they were 50 years ago. Far too many people simply don’t know their neighbors. Meeting and knowing the people who live nearby can create a sense of belonging and shared identity in your local area.
Here are some easy tricks and tips to meet people both in your neighborhood and in the city after moving:
- Invite Neighbors to Housewarming Party
- Go to Community Based Events
- Join Meet-Up Groups
- Volunteer
- Pursue Your Interests in Your New Community
- Organize A Block Party
- Have A Garage Sale
- Be Outside
- Connect With Your Community Online
- Coordinate A Group
- Organize A Play Date
1. Invite Neighbors to Housewarming Party
Inviting your new neighbors to a housewarming party is the perfect way to break the ice. It also gives you a reason to reach out without feeling uncomfortable. The best thing to do is try and set a date for your party as soon as possible that way you don’t put it off.
Important things to consider when having a party is what you will be serving. Nowadays it is impossible to cater to everyone’s diets but you still can be mindful by providing options. If you would like to serve meat, having chicken is usually your safest option. It is also important to consider those who do not eat meat. Having a large pasta dish is a great idea that way there is a filling alternative to the meat dinner. Serving a large salad with dressings on the side is also a good choice for your party. I know it may seem silly to think about the details, but being as welcoming and accommodating to your new guests will set the tone for good neighborly relationships in the long run.
2. Go to Community Based Events
Community-based events are a great place to meet people around your area. If going to events is your thing, it might be a perfect place to be social. Every community will usually offer a wide variety of different types of events. Choose one that most interests you and you might be surprised at the number of like-minded people you will meet.
Usually, every city has an online calendar or website listing events in your area. You can also check out Eventbrite and search for events near you.
Common community events include:
- Concerts
- Block Parties
- Film Screenings
- Art Festivals
- Holiday Festivals
- Car Shows
- Cook-Offs
- Farmer’s Markets
- Sporting Events
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3. Join Meet-Up Groups
If you are just moving to a new city ad on the hunt to be social, try using the app or website, Meetup. On Meetup, you can search from numerous amounts of community groups that are already created in your surrounding area.
If you are interested in hiking, bike riding, horseback riding, yoga, or pretty much anything you can think of, there is probably a MeetUp group for you. The app is very simple to use. All you have to do is type in your location and search for thigs you are interested in and you will be shown a plethora amount of groups in your area. Joining Meetup is probably the fastest way to meet people in your new area as the groups usually meet every week. The best part of it all is that most groups are completely free to join!
4. Volunteer
Do you have free time on your hands and want to make a difference in your new community? Then, volunteering might be a great place to meet like-minded individuals who care about similar passions as you do.
Volunteering can often get overlooked as something people only do when they are retired or are required to in school. However, volunteering can be done at any age and at any point in your life. It is also a great way to try out new things you might have never tried before. Volunteering allows you to try things you may have always wanted to but thought you didn’t have the opportunity. The first step is just searching for non-profits in your area online to seem interesting to you. Once you start getting involved in the group you like, it will become very easy to make new friends because you will be bonding over a shared interest.
5. Pursue Your Interests in Your New Community
When you move to a new place it might seem intimidating to get out there and do the things you have always loved to do since you are unfamiliar with the area. However, putting yourself out there and doing the things you are interested in is one of the best ways to meet new people that you will enjoy being around.
Finding friends in a new area might be hard if you are constantly on the hunt. When you just stop trying ad just do what you love to do, people who like the same will show up in your life. I know it seems simple but people often overlook where to find friends and even relationships. Most people who are very close friends or are in a relationship, share things and passions in common. The answer is in doing what makes you happy and the friends and relationships will come along the way.
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6. Organize A Block Party
Summertime is the best time to have an annual block party and meet your neighbors. You can even pick a theme and post flyers along your neighborhood to get your community together.
Check with local authorities for permission to close off the street, making the celebration exclusive to folks in your community. You can have multiple barbecues going, kids bounce house, music, drinks, etc. You can also ask everyone to prepare a dish and/or bring a game or activity.
7. Have A Garage Sale
I know you may have just moved in but there may be a few items you wish you got rid of during the move. You can even invite other neighbors to participate in a community-wide garage sale.
Garage sales are a good way to get neighbors over to your home. Even if your “junk” isn’t all that precious to others, at least you have a way to start a conversation with the neighbors. After you sort through your belongings, make sure you stay organized and plan when having a garage sale. For more garage sale tips, check out: How to Organize a Community Garage Sale.
8. Be Outside
Meeting new people in your community can be as simple as taking a routine walking outside every morning before work. The easiest way to get to know your neighbors is to always be outside.
You can go on walks around the neighborhood and introduce yourself to people, tell them which house you live in, what you like about the neighborhood, or ask simple questions about the neighborhood or local restaurants. If you have kids pets, or neither, get up and go for a walk. It’s a much nicer feeling than scrolling through pointless posts on the internet.
9. Connect With Your Community Online
If the online world is for you and you enjoy meeting people online, then maybe a cyber social group is right for you.
There are plenty of location-based Facebook groups in every city. Next time you find yourself on Facebook, just make a simple search for groups in your area. You might be surprised by what you find and it might be easier for you to spark a conversation before meeting up in person.
10. Coordinate A Group
Can’t find any social groups on Facebook or MeetUp that are right for you? Create your own!
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Creating a Facebook or MeetUp group is just as easy is joining. Whether it be a book club, running group, hiking group, etc., coordinating a group is a great way to get to know your neighbors. Come up with a descriptive title and explanation of what your group will be about and start sharing it. You can post flyers in the community or if your community has a community mailbox, post a flyer there. For more information on how to create a Meetup group check out: Starting a Meetup group.
11. Organize A Play Date
Do you have children or pets? A good way to get to know your neighbors is to organize some time for them to play together on the weekends.
If you notice a neighbor always walking their dog and you have a furry friend too, inviting them over for a play date or even meeting at a local dog park might be a good way to break-the-ice.
If you have young kids, meeting parents of your kid’s school friends is an easy way to get to know people in your new community. You can organize a play date or even enroll your kids in after-school classes that other kids are enjoying.
When Halle, 23, moved from NorCal to SoCal with her fiancé, she knew it would be hard making friends in a new city, but didn’t anticipate spending all of her time alone in an empty apartment with her new dog, working remotely. “I knew I was going to be lonely, but moving to a new place with no friends is hard. Nobody talks about how making friends as an adult is so awkward,” she tells Bustle.
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Trying to make friends at all in your 20s and 30s can have you feeling like the new kid on the playground again. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that it took adults about 94 hours to turn acquaintances into casual friends, and an average of 164 hours to turn casual friends in to friends. Add in some post-lockdown social anxiety and a new city, and making new friends becomes quite the challenge.
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In June, Monse, 25, moved from Kansas to Dallas, Texas, for a new job, which went virtual days after she signed her new lease. Since then, she’s found creative ways to socialize. “I’ve met a couple people here and there with who I’ve exchanged social media accounts: One was working at a car shop that I took my car to, another one was my Uber driver, and another was a family friend,” she says, adding that she also follows a “thing to do in Dallas” Facebook group which she hopes will lead to IRL connections when she feels comfortable meeting up in-person.
"One of the things that makes finding friends so intimidating is because we’re so quick to believe our perception of the situation is reality," life coach Desiree Wiercyski tells Bustle. "We think that everyone else has their lives together, all the friends they would ever want, and wouldn’t care or having time for new connections." In reality, many people are in the same position as you: wondering how to meet people in a new city.
According to life coach Erica McCurdy, the key to making friends in your new town is making a commitment to something. "While not exciting, the truth is that most people meet new friends in the places they spend the most time," McCurdy tells Bustle. "Something about the regularity of seeing the same person day after day or week after week makes it easier to start a conversation, connect, and let that connection develop into a friendship."
But just signing up for a class or course or club isn’t always the most intuitive endeavor, especially when you’re new. "When we are out of our comfort zone we forget how we even made friends in the beginning and have a tendency to become more shy or nervous of being vulnerable to new people and experiences," Jenn DeWall, a millennial life and career coach, tells Bustle. While the basic places — work, networking groups, and bars — can be good options for finding your new group sometimes new friends are hiding in much more obscure places.
Here are some unexpected ways to make friends in a new city.
1
Visit Local Shops
Online shopping is great, but when you move to a new city, going shopping IRL can help you immerse yourself in your community and meet people drawn to same things. “A somewhat uncommon way to meet people is by popping into local stores that connect with your interests," Wiercyski says. "They often have the pulse on what’s going on and could point you in the direction of a group that may not be on social media or know of someone who could connect you."
"Make a list of your top five hobbies and start asking around," Jess Hopkins, millennial life and career coach, tells Bustle. "Love to read? Go to your local bookstore and inquire about open-enrollment books clubs. Love to run? Go to your local sporting goods store and ask about running groups that train on weekends." You could also try striking up a conversation with whoever beats you to the last copy of the latest Sally Rooney book; clearly, you already have something in common! Plus, you'll be supporting local businesses while you're at it.
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2
Actually Read Those Coffee Shop Flyers
You know that table in the front of basically every coffee shop? The one with business cards and flyers? Actually read it. "Coffee shops can be great hubs for generalized information about local groups," Wiercyski says. You'll never know what might pique your interest — these flyers advertise things like interest-based meet up groups, local events, clubs and organizations. You might find out about some virtual meet ups that will feel even less intimidating to go to.
"I always remind my clients that they won't make new friends doing the same old things so think about the things they like and find new ways to be where others who also like the same things might be," life coach Erica McCurdy tells Bustle. Who would have thought you'd be the newest member of your city’s gardening club?
3
Walk A Dog (Even If You Don't Have One)
Dogs are the best. Yes, they make you happy, but they can also help you make new friends. "If you have a dog (or know someone in the area that would be willing you loan you their dog for a bit) head on over to the dog park," Wiercyski says. "Dogs serve as instant ice breakers, the joke that a dog is [the] best wingman is a trope for a reason."
If you are dogless but still looking to find some four-legged companions in your new city, try Wag or Rover, which connect dog walkers and sitters with people whose pets need walking or sitting. You'll find some like-minded dog people in no time (and make a little spare cash to boot).
4
Have The Internet Plan Your Next Dinner Party
"Many people overlook how technology can facilitate new friendships. There are so many apps that work to help you," DeWall says. Check out the Groups tab on Facebook and search for your neighborhood, city, or interests, and join groups to meet like-minded locals and learn about events in your area. “Sometimes people make posts saying they’re new and it’s easy to interact with them, and also see what suggestions people comment on those posts,” Monse tells Bustle.
5
Connect With A Faith Community
Finding a faith community that resonates with you can help create a really solid foundation as you build a life for yourself in a new place. "For a lot of people, religious and spiritual organizations can help promote finding new friendships in a new city," Wiercyski says. When you move to a new place, traditions can make you feel at home, and the routine of a spiritual or religious practice can be extra comforting during a time of upheaval. If you’re not super into organized religion, you might find meaningful connections at a yoga or meditation studio in your city.
6
Crowdsource A Friend Group
Most of our friend groups are built out around meeting friends-of-friends ad infinitum. But that process can feel disrupted when you make a new city your home.
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Luckily, even if you're far away, you can still rely on your existing friends for support. "The best way to meet people in a new city is to source friends from people you already know. Tell friends and colleagues when you're planning a move and then — most importantly — ask them if they know anyone in the area and if they can make an introduction," Jaclyn Schiff, media consultant and digital nomad, tells Bustle. "Getting connected with people who are already connected to your social circle is a great way to plug into the social fabric of a new place."
So post a "looking for recommendations" status on Facebook, or an update on your Instagram Story, and see who comes out of the woodwork. It might surprise you who's already in your new city.
7
Turn Exercising Into A Social Event
In all the hustle and bustle of your new life, you may forget that exercise is often also about community. And a lot of cities have whole social circles built around that idea. Recreational sports leagues and group workout classes are a great way to making friends as an adult.
“You already have your fitness in common, which can make initiating a conversation that much easier,” DeWall says. “The next time you're at a workout class, ask someone if they come to the classes often and if they would ever want to try a new class together,” she suggests. You can also Google "rec league" and your town name and see what you find.
8
Find Inspiration In What You Love
McCurdy suggests turning your passions into friend-making opportunities. For example, if you’re a tea person, you might seek out a high tea at a hotel or an event at a tea house nearby. “Even the tea accessories open doors for finding new friends with similar interests," McCurdy says.
If you're feeling less like going to tons of events, the internet can also be on your side for this one. "Social media groups not dedicated to the city or region can be a great place to connect with local people. A lot of times, larger groups have 'roll call' lists and members will post where they’re from. Then from there, meet ups and friendships naturally happen. I’ve met two amazing people from this method since moving across the country, and I really wasn’t even trying," Wiercyski says. So if you're already part of a group for a podcast you love or in support of a cause, you can check out if other members are already living where you're moving.
9
Do Something Way Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Moving is already incredibly brave, but if you're having trouble recognizing that in yourself, give yourself a dose of something extra-thrilling by trying something totally new. "[You can meet people at] any social event where it is natural to develop relationships with people," DeWall says. Getting out and actually trying new things is going to be the key to building your new social circle. "The biggest way to an unexpected friendship [is to] just say yes to opportunity — volunteer, explore, show up," McCurdy says. "New friendships won't happen if you don't go to new places, so when the opportunity arises to do something new, go for it."
10
Use Instagram As A Friend Matchmaker
One out-of-the-box idea to meet people as an adult? Find them through their geotagged pictures on Instagram. Catherine, 33, made a new friend during lockdown using this method. “I ended up becoming friends with this girl because we had both recently tagged the location of a hike we did,” she previously told Bustle. The two followed each other on Instagram and kept in touch through DMs. You don’t have to be into hiking to make this work, either: If you’re a big-time foodie, check out some tagged photos of restaurants nearby, and message people who have posted pictures of the food to ask how it was, and if they’d recommend it. This could get a conversation going or even score plans to dine together. If you’re looking for a dog walking bud, check out the geotags of local parks and connect with other dog owners. Bonus points for puppy-inspired icebreakers.
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11
Start A Club
If you can’t find a club to join, start you own. If you’re into books, pick a good one, and post flyers at local cafés and on your social media letting people how to get in touch with you. Once people start to reach out, you can plan a time and place to meet. Keep an eye out for bulletin boards, flyer stands, and neighborhood groups online that advertise clubs and organizations and submit your own ideas to take the lead.
How long does it take to make new friends in a new city?
If you're moving to a new city — or a new country, or a new hemisphere — after college, it can be an intimidating and lonely experience. While moving for school comes with in-built structure and social systems, picking up and moving your life in your 20s and 30s, for work, a relationship or something else, is less adventure, more potential isolation. The possibility alone is daunting — how do you make new friends when you move to a new place as an adult, especially if you happen to be an introvert?
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"Too many people who relocate go home at night after work and over the weekends, and catch up on doing chores," author, sociologist, and friendship expert Dr. Jan Yager tells Bustle. "This increases their isolation because it is harder for them to make new friends." Not to mention, isolation and loneliness aren't good for your mental health. Even if you want to snuggle and nest a bit initially, you're going to have to push yourself out of the house to make a connection with somebody. Though it's definitely harder to make new friends as an adult than it is when you were in school, it isn't impossible. Here are seven expert-approved ways to do it.
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Remember Your Past Connections
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"Before you rush to seek out and form new friendships, be curious if there are any old friends in your past you may want to reconnect with," therapist Annie Wright tells Bustle. "There may be old friends who have moved to your new city that a quick alumni network or Facebook search could reveal." This system has the benefit of giving you a built in topic of conversation with some folks.
And keeping in touch can also help ease the transition period. Dr. Yager tells Bustle that if you really miss your old home, it's important to keep in touch with everybody you've left behind. But, she says, there are limits. "Be careful not to let all that connecting with the past stop you from having the courage to initiate and, hopefully, continue relationships that become friendships with those you meet," she says.
2
Put Yourself Out There
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"Get active in associations — local chapters of any national organizations you belong to — or go out and do activities when you are not working," advises Yager. "Whether this is a mastermind group, recreational ultimate leagues, weekly Zumba classes at Y, a night class at a local community college, an REI training class, a MeetUp, put yourself in situations where you’ll meet multiple new people face to face," Wright says. Look for groups that do hobbies you already love (crafting, mountain climbing, book clubs) or take up one that you've always wanted to try, so there's extra incentive if you're feeling shy.
3
Use Social Media
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If you're introverted, you can look online for new connections. "I think one of the best parts about social media is how we can more easily seek out our like-minded kindred spirits — our Wolf Pack! — that we may not otherwise have had any other way of meeting," Wright tells Bustle. "Connecting and following someone online may not bloom into a real friendship right away, but this may happen over time if you two decide to take it offline (and this has definitely been the case for me!)."
Dr. Yager advises being cautious when going this route. "Be friendly and open to new friendships online," she says, "but also be wise and careful if you meet someone through an online site. Namely, meet in a public place. Make sure you always share the contact information with the person you are meeting, even if it's in a public space, with someone you know and trust."
4
Be Strategic
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It helps if you understand the psychological terrain of friendships in a new place. Leslie Fischer, an entrepreneur, tells Bustle, "Most people in your town have existing friendships that nourish their need for connection with others, so you need to do the inviting." If you're not up to this, she says, "it is often less intimidating to meet somewhere away from your home because it is neutral ground and both parties can control their exits and leave when they need to." That way you're not just inviting everybody into your space or feeling uncomfortable in somebody else's.
"Deliberately plan time in your calendar month for friendship," says Wright. "Put a friendship date — whether with an old friend or a new one — down in your calendar and stick to it. Don’t let schedules overwhelm keep you from prioritizing this if making friends is, in fact, a priority for you in your new city." This also means you should do your research; look up friendly cafes and chat with the barista, take your dog to a popular dog park, or show up at a music night. Being the new person in town also always gives you an "in" for conversation; ask locals for tips about their favorite places.
5
Be Prepared To Get Help
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It's not unexpected if you feel sad while trying to find your social feet in a new place, says Dr Yager. "If you don't know anyone in the new location, you may have to work hard not to let your loneliness make you too sad or depressed," she tells Bustle. Your wellbeing is important, so if you notice that your loneliness is getting you down, take steps. "Work on that by joining a support group or seeing a therapist," says Dr Yager.
A therapy group in general can also be helpful as a starter social group, Wright tells Bustle. "Whether this is a Women’s Circle, a grief processing group, a recently broken-hearted or preparing yourself for relationship group, find a circle of people journeying through something you’re going through in your new city. That kind of connection can be vulnerable and powerful."
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6
Use The Three-Meeting Rule
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Remember that making a connection takes time. "I always make sure that when I make a genuine connection with a gal, I plan three successive meetings with her," Fischer tells Bustle. "Those three meetings in quick succession cement your connection and if you don't get together for a long period of time, you still feel like you are friends." It's an easy system and a good one, particularly because adult life is busy. "It is easy to not see someone for a few months," notes Fischer. "If this disconnection happens after only seeing each other one time, you can feel like you have been 'dumped,' but if the disconnection happens after seeing each other three times in a row, you still feel connected."
7
Give Back To Your New Community
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A quick way to feel connected both to your place and to other people who love it is to give back to it, even if you've only been there for three days. "Volunteer, join a board, host a fundraiser," advises Wright. "Host something for your new neighbors, or at least say 'Hi' in the hallway. Once you're more established, host a monthly potluck, gather at a restaurant, and ask your friends to bring somebody new into your group each month. Bonus! You get to check out a bunch of new restaurants in your new city." The point, she says, is "all about putting yourself in environments where you’ll be exposed to new folks, and you'll also feel good for giving back."
Whatever strategies you use, it'll take time for you to feel comfortable in your new city with a host of connections around you. Don't expect it all to sort out within five days. Give it a few months, though, and soon you'll be settled with some excellent mates around.
How do I make friends in my new neighborhood?
Making new friends is terrifying. Making new friends as an adult is doubly so. So, what do you do when you move into a new neighborhood? Hide inside your house forever? As tempting as it sounds, it’s not an option. Instead, have a little courage and venture out to make friends with your new neighbors. To help you along, we have listed down 12 tips on how to make friends in a new neighborhood:
Ask for Introductions
The best way to make new friends is through your old ones. So, if you’re moving somewhere new, ask around to see if any of your friends know somebody in your new area and ask them for introductions. If asking your current group of friends doesn’t show any leads, turn to Facebook or Twitter. You’ll have a wider network online and someone or the other is bound to know one of your new neighbors. Get introduced, arrange a coffee date and ask your new friend for some neighborly advice, volunteer to help out in any way you can. By the time you move into your new neighborhood, you’ll have a friend to turn to.
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Throw a House Warming Party
The fastest way to somebody’s heart is through food (and drinks). So, once you’ve unpacked and settled down a bit, throw a housewarming party and invite all your neighbors. Throw in a lot of snacks. Arrange for beer or wine. Try and connect with your new neighbors over a few drinks. You’ll meet a lot of new people. And though many of them won’t be more than acquaintances in the future, you’ll also meet a few who might turn into your next BFF.
Show Genuine Interest
To make genuine friends, you need to have a genuine interest in their lives. Ask your new neighbors about themselves and share part of yourself with them. Bring over baked goods or a pot roast that you made yourself. Volunteer to help out in neighborly ways – picking up their mail, looking after their house when they’re on a vacation, etc. You will be fostering goodwill which will help you become friends.
Attend Local Events
Most neighborhoods have a local event on holidays, festivals and other occasions. Be it a Christmas Party or a Halloween Neighborhood Makeover, participate. Make an effort and if possible, volunteer to help organize the event. At first, it might be a bit awkward, especially if you have to go alone. But soon, you’ll know a few people and start making new friends.
Join a Local Group
Neighborhoods usually have local groups or clubs dedicated to specific activities or causes. Pick out a few that you are interested in and join the group. You can also join classes on things that you’d like to learn, such as cooking or pottery. Regular meetings, coupled with a shared interest, are the perfect recipe for friendships and that is exactly what you’ll find here.
Frequent Common Spaces
Besides groups, clubs, and classes, there are several other common places in your neighborhood where you can meet new people. Want to get rid of those love handles? Join the local gym or swim frequently in the neighborhood swimming pool. Love to read? Try the local book shops or libraries. Take your pet out to the local park every day. Heck! Just start a conversation with the other person on the elevator. All these are common neighborhood places where you can meet potential new friends.
Accept Invitations
As the new member of the neighborhood, you will likely be invited to events and parties by the more friendly members of your new neighborhood. This is a golden opportunity to make new friends, so don’t hesitate to accept these invitations. Moreover, let them know that you’re thankful. Be kind, ask for advice and volunteer to help them out in any way you can. These people can speed up your acceptance into the neighborhood in ways you won’t believe.
Become a Regular
Once you’ve settled in your new neighborhood, frequently visit the same Laundromat, grocery stores, salons and coffee shops at all times. You will keep seeing the same people over and over again, making it easier for you to introduce yourself and giving you something to talk about. Once you’ve come across someone a few times, smile, say “hi” and introduce yourself. Who knows you might find your next BFF at your Laundromat.
Join Meet-up Groups
A lot of places have local Meet-up groups that organize face to face meetings and group activities frequently. Track down these meet up groups and join in. You will meet tons of new people, from diverse backgrounds and with a wide range of interests, in this group. And with more options, you are more likely to find someone who you click with. If you meet someone interesting, don’t hesitate to ask them for their contact information and invite them to a coffee date. It could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
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Go Online
Besides local meet up groups, you can also find online communities of your new neighborhood. Go for a quick Google search to find them and join in. Visit websites like nextdoor.com and meetup.com to find these communities and get in touch with your new neighbors. Be friendly, interactive and kind, and you won’t have much trouble making new friends.
Get Close to the Other Newbie
If there is another newbie in your neighborhood, befriend them. Chances are they don’t know anyone in the neighborhood either, so both of you are on the same boat. You can help each other out. Just stop by to welcome them to the neighborhood. Maybe bring some cookies or cupcakes with you and start a conversation. It could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Smile
A simple smile and some eye contact can go a long way towards making you approachable. So if you come across someone you see around the neighborhood frequently, just smile at them. If you see your neighbor while pulling your car out of the garage, wave at them. All these simple gestures can make finding new friends a lot easier.
Follow these 12 tips to make new friends as you settle into your new neighborhood and your social life will never be dull again.
Got interesting stories or more tips to share? Let us know in the comments below.
And don’t forget to share….
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