When you question your relationship, it can feel scary and confusing. Oftentimes, it feels painful to stay and painful to imagine leaving, especially when there isn’t a clear sign that would prevent you from always wondering if you made the right decision.
Have you ever wondered: “How do I know if I am supposed to stay in this relationship?” “Is this the person I am supposed to marry?” “Is our marriage worth saving?” “Is this relationship worth fighting to keep?” “Can I do better than this?”
As relationship counselors and coaches, we have discovered five key questions to help you gain clarity:
1. Are you committed to growth?
The first way to know if your relationship is worth saving is that you are both committed to growth, individually and together.
When couples reach out for support, they are often in a difficult time of heightened conflict, betrayal, or disconnect. During our first session, it’s common for them to ask: “can this relationship be saved?”
After supporting thousands of couples, we’re convinced this is the most important predictor when it comes to the chances of a couple succeeding.
No matter how big your challenges may be, if both of you are committed to learning everything possible from what hasn’t worked in the past and implementing positive changes, there is tremendous potential to turn your relationship into the one you’ve both always wanted.
2. Do you genuinely respect one another?
The second way to know if your relationship is worth saving is that you both have a genuine willingness to respect how each other thinks and feels.
Compatibility does not mean you have to be the same. In fact, it is your differences that can keep things exciting, and most of us unconsciously seek someone who will balance us and help us grow.
However, a thriving relationship requires each of you to honor one another in mind, body, heart, and spirit. You need to be interested in and respectful of each other’s feelings, perspective, and physicality.
3. Do you share values?
The third way to know if your relationship is worth saving is that you share many of the same values, as they deeply influence what you set as priorities in your life.
When you live your life in alignment with your values, you feel happy, confident, and fulfilled.
Some examples of values would be honesty, integrity, joy, love, kindness, generosity, compassion, ambition, courage, accountability, faith, family, fun, freedom, discipline, harmony, awareness, equality, positivity, acceptance, passion, ease, balance, adventure, and peace.
4. Do you share a vision?
The fourth way to know if your relationship is worth saving is that you share a vision for your lives. This essentially means that you want the same things in life. Do your dreams match up?
For example, if one of you wants to have children and the other prefers a child-free life, your visions may not match up. If one of you wants a free-spirited life of travelling the world year-round, and the other wants to settle down and grow all your own food, your visions may be best pursued apart.
Of course, be flexible and find creative ways for each of your dreams to coexist. At the end of your lives, you just want to know that you both have fully lived, without regret or sacrificing too much.
5. Are you willing to forgive one another?
Lastly, in order to move forward together, it’s essential that forgiveness occurs. This can certainly be a process and take time.
However, the key is that you both are willing to eventually forgive one another for whatever has happened in the past, allowing you to fully open your hearts to all that can be in the future.
It’s natural to question your relationship over time. This does not at all mean you are doomed or not meant to be. In fact, most couples have vast untapped potential and, chances are, so do you!
Christine Eartheart, Founder of the Center for Thriving Relationships, is passionate about helping couples learn easy and life-changing relationship skills to breakthrough gridlocked issues, transform conflict, communicate effectively, deepen connection, keep the spark alive, and create the kind of love they've always wanted. Along with her husband, they combine the heart and science of relationships in their renowned retreats, online courses, and private practice, serving clients worldwide. Visit www.CenterThrive.com to learn the top things you must do to thrive in your relationship.
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