Finding a deeply intense connection with someone isn't easy. So when you feel like you’ve found the love of your life, it's hard to let them go. That's why breaking up with a soulmate can sometimes feel like the end of the world. But according to experts, letting go may be just the thing you need to do.
"The rumor is that everyone has just one soulmate," relationship expert and spiritual counselor, Davida Rappaport, tells Bustle. "But we don’t have just one soulmate. We have many soulmates."
According to her, every single partner you have a special bond with has a purpose in our lives. In some way, they're meant to help us to grow as individuals on a mental, physical, emotional and soul level. Although you may feel a special connection to someone that's unexplainable, you do have the choice to be a part of each other's lives.
But finding your soulmate isn't a guarantee that you're going to be together forever. But that doesn't mean your love life is doomed if things don't work out. In fact, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of the book Date Smart, tells Bustle that a breakup with a soulmate can also lead to incredible self-growth for both people.
“There are occasions when the psyche says, ‘There’s more awaiting you; it’s time to move on,’” Manly says. “So, if you break up with your soulmate for the right reasons (e.g., the need to expand and develop yourself), trust that you’re being guided to evolve.”
Here are some unexpected things that can happen post-breakup with someone you had a special connection with, according to experts.
5
You May Find That Change Is A Lot Less Scary
Ending things with someone you felt an intense connection with can be one of the hardest things you may have to deal with in your life. But once you let go of that connection, take time to heal, and move on with your life, you’ll realize that you have the ability to overcome anything. According to Rappaport, moving on can be be exhilarating and you may even feel as though you have a clean slate in life. You may be tempted to move, travel by yourself, or quit your job to find something more fulfilling. When you’re ready, you’ll have a chance to start all over with someone new.
6
You May Feel Lighter & More Energized Than Ever Before
A soulmate relationship feels unlike any other relationship you may have experienced before due to its intensity. That can come with its share of pros and cons. For instance, the highs are really high, and the lows can feel really low. Often, relationships with people you’re deeply connected to can feel emotionally exhausting. "After you break up with a soulmate, you may actually feel a bit lighter and more energized," Rappaport says. "Sometimes the karma that connected you to your soulmate was the only thing that bound you both together." This may not happen right away. You may even get back together and break up a few times before you allow yourself to fully move on. But when you do, you may find that your soulmate has actually been weighing you down this entire time.
7
Your Life Resets Itself After A Breakup
Breakups give you an opportunity to hit the reset button on your life, matchmaker Tammy Shaklee, tells Bustle. When you have the courage to let go of a connection you thought was going to be forever, you have the opportunity to start all over again. According to Shaklee, breaking up with a soulmate will give you a chance to "re-engage your spirit and your soul." Doing things that you once loved or trying new things that you've always been curious about will make you a happier and healthier version of the person you once were.
8
You May Feel Like You’ve Made The Biggest Mistake Of Your Life
When you end a relationship with someone you thought was the love of your life, it’s natural to feel like you made a mistake. You may question your decision, or find yourself wanting to reach out to your ex for comfort. But as Jade Bianca, dating coach and matchmaker, tells Bustle, “Relationships take two to tango. An ex is an ex for a reason.” Just because you feel a strong connection with someone, it doesn’t mean that you should overlook poor behavior. Although you may second guess yourself post-breakup, try your best to keep moving forward.
“It's important to remember that healing is not linear, and these things take time and self-work,” Bianca says. “There will be times where you will want to reach out to your ex, but no contact after a breakup is the best advice. The best way to move forward after a divorce or big breakup is to take a step back and think about what you want your next chapter to look like.”
Who do you want to be in the next five or 10 years? What kind of partner do you need to become a better version of yourself? If you keep these questions in mind, you’ll remember why you made the choice you did.
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You May Feel Hurt When You Hear Your Friends Talk About Your Ex
Your friends might try to make you feel better by talking about how you’re much better off. They may even reveal how they really felt about your ex. Even if you agree with what they’re saying, hearing others talk badly about them will hurt. According to therapist Olivia James, it’s common to still feel very protective over a soulmate.
“It takes time to heal and it can be really hard to balance the necessary grieving with a realistic view of a fallible human being, not an idealized soulmate,” James says. If your friends are saying negative things about your ex in an effort to support you, give them other suggestions for ways to help.
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You’ll Discover What You Really Need In A Relationship Moving Forward
You aren’t the same person you were when you first met your ex. Because of that, breaking up with your soulmate means having a chance to reevaluate what you now want moving forward. “Obviously, post-breakup you already know the person you thought was the love of your life wasn't exactly ‘The One,’” Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, relationship expert and professor at California State University Fullerton, tells Bustle. “In order to move on, you must re-learn what you truly want in a romantic partner. Be specific when you write this list down because it's what you're going to attract.”
Experts & sources
Davida Rappaport, relationship expert and spiritual counselor
Connie Omari, LPC, author and counselor
Tammy Shaklee, matchmaker
Jade Bianca, dating coach and matchmaker at Dating After Divorce
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Date Smart
Olivia James, therapist
Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, relationship expert and professor at California State University Fullerton