How do you know a girl doesn't love you?

 11 Obvious Signs a Girl Doesn't Like You - How to Tell if She is Not Interested in You

Loving a girl who doesn't love you is tough, but it's not uncommon. This scenario has fueled much of the great art in the world. Unfortunately, if someone does not love you, you won't be able to change their mind. Your only course of action is to accept the truth, sever your ties with her (at least for a while), and focus on healing.

Part1

Accepting the Truth

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   Look for clues. When you really care for someone, it can be easy ignore the signals that they do not feel the same way. The longer you ignore these, however, the longer you will draw out your rejection and heartache.^[1] Some indicators include:

   • She won't make time for you.
   • She doesn't return your texts/calls.
   • She never reaches out to you to make plans.
   • She says she likes you as a friend.
   • She's not interested in physical affection.
   • She has told you that she's not in love with you.
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   Accept that its over. Whether you've noticed a series of signs or the girl has straight up told you that she doesn't have feelings for you, you need to do some work to accept that it is true. The heart wants what it wants and it can very rarely be swayed otherwise. Don't imagine that you will change her mind. Take her at her word and accept that it's over.^[2]

   • It can be helpful to say it out loud to yourself or a friend.
   • You might say, "My relationship with Katie is over. Katie doesn't love me."
   EXPERT TIP

   

   SARAH SCHEWITZ, PSYD
   Licensed Psychologist

   Rejection isn't a reflection of your worth. It doesn't mean you're not worthy or you're not good enough, it just means there wasn't a good match between the two of you. For somebody else, you're the best person on the planet.
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   Feel your feelings. When you experience rejection, you are likely to feel a range of emotions, including disbelief, anger, and sadness. Do whatever you need to do to feel these feelings and to process them.^[3]

   • Cry if you feel like crying.
   • Talk to your friends.
   • Write in a journal.
   • Comfort yourself with things you like, such as ice cream, hot baths, or movies.

Part2

Cutting Ties with Her

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   Avoid contact with her. In order for you to heal, you need space. If you love a girl and she doesn't love you, you can't just go on pretending to be friends. You're not friends: she is the girl you love. So until you have truly moved on from this heartbreak, you need to avoid any unnecessary contact with her.^[4]

   • Consider deleting her number from your phone to avoid calling/texting her.
   • Stay away from places you know she is likely to be.
   • This may mean missing out on certain parties or social gatherings, but it's worth it.
   • If you absolutely must see her (for instance, if you work together) keep your interactions brief and professional.
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   Stay away from her online profiles. In the modern era, we have our friends at the touch of a button. Unfortunately, this means you have images of the girl-who-doesn't-love-you at the touch of a button too. Although it is tempting, avoid visiting her pages on social media. Perhaps even consider blocking her (at least temporarily). You need the space to heal and you can't do that if you are cyber-stalking her every move.^[5] In order to avoid her online presence, you may want to:

   • Spend less time on social media.
   • Unfollow her on social media sites.
   • Avoid visiting the pages of mutual friends.
   • If you happen to come across her, quickly put your phone away (or close your laptop) and walk away. Don't let yourself get sucked in.
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   Refrain from intimate contact. If you know that this girl doesn't love you, do not allow her to turn to you for emotional support or physical contact. Although this may be very tempting, it is only going to cause you pain. If she reaches out to you, you must find the fortitude to decline.^[6]

   • You really shouldn't be communicating with her anyway!
   • If she reaches out to you, simply tell her, "I need to take a little space for myself right now. I don't think we should be spending time together."

Part3

Moving On

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   Avoid acting on feelings of vengeance. Once you accept that she doesn't love you, you may move through sadness and into anger. You may want to lash out or even seek some sort of revenge (towards either the girl or somebody new that she is dating). It is perfectly natural to have these thoughts, but it's not okay to act on them. Seeking vengeance will not make her love you, it won't feel as good as you think, and you could get into trouble. Instead, allow these thoughts to come and go, so that you can move on.^[7]

   • You should also resist the urge to talk badly about her to mutual friends. It will only make you look catty.
   • In the beginning, you might vent to a couple of close, trusted friends. Then try not to talk about her anymore.
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   Have fun. In order for you to move on, you need something positive to overshadow the negative. Try to have some fun! Hang out with friends and go dancing. Spend an evening doing karaoke, or travel someplace new. Even if you don't feel like having fun, force yourself to get out there and try. It will probably be better than you think!^[8]
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   Focus on a goal. You can't control who she loves. The only thing you have control over is yourself. Now is a great time to focus on some form of self-improvement. Have you always wanted to play the guitar, workout more, or excel in school? Now is an excellent time to put your focus on a new goal.^[9]
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   Give it some time. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill you can take to get rid of your heartbreak. Instead, this process is going to take time. And even after a long string of good days, a bad day might sneak up on you. That's normal. Just remember that this is a process, and you are healing a little bit every day.