How to remove GUILT from OCD
Tldr version:
First, two things make up a mortal sin- knowing that it's a sin and giving your consent by doing it anyway. You are obviously not willing these thoughts into being. You obviously don't want them. Therefore, you are not at fault as long as you do nothing to encourage them.
Longer version:
I am guessing that you are a Christian (please forgive me if I am wrong in my assumption) and worried about what Jesus said about sin starting with thoughts. He was talking about thoughts that are encouraged and fed. For example, if you see a good looking person and happen to picture them naked, what do you do about it? Do you encourage the thought by continuing the daydream or do you stop yourself when you realize the nature of the thought? Do you start thinking about what it would take to rape them or do you uphold their dignity in your mind? This is where the consent to sin comes in. If you do not consent to the thought, then it is not a mortal sin. Even if you do sin in lustful thoughts, remember that this is something saints before you have faced and conquered. I'm thinking specifically of St. Francis of Assisi and St. Augustine. (Disclaimer: I am not going to advocate some of their methods like flogging themselves, rolling in snow, or throwing one's body into thorns. Please don't do that. A hair band worn on the wrist and snapped when you have bad thoughts is more than sufficient to break you out of that train of thought. There is no reason to treat your body badly. St Francis actually apologized to his body later in life for being so harsh to it.)
So what does work to help prevent these kinds of thoughts? Meditation. Meditation. Meditation. If your thoughts are a mess, you might not be giving them enough exercise. Some people say the rosary works for them, but it doesn't really work for me. Find a meditation which works for you. I do constructive imagination like imagining myself cradled by Jesus and tell him about my life. Or I'll imagine myself as a warrior in armor impervious to the darts and arrows of bad thoughts; they just bounce off my armor as I laugh. Or I'll imagine my inner being as a guard tower and I control what I allow inside it. I decorate my tower with thoughts and feelings I want, represented by symbolic imagery like a throne (my heart), tapestries (friendships), stained glass windows (memories), and so on. Bad thoughts are cobwebs and dust which I attack with an imaginary broom and sweep outside to prepare for a guest. I do the tower meditation at least once a week during prayer to prepare to receive Jesus in my heart. I do the others when necessary. Personally, the more I meditate, the less errant thoughts I have. The thoughts crop up once in awhile, but nowhere as often as before. I remember being afraid to hold babies because my thoughts would say something particularly nasty like “This baby is so fragile. All you'd have to do to snap her neck is shake her.” So I passed opportunities to support friends with children because I feared my thoughts would become a terrible tragedy. Meditation really helped with that. If you need to withdraw to somewhere quiet like a restroom to meditate—do it. I really can't recommend meditation enough. I have ADHD and some obsessive thought processes when I do something I perceive as a fault. I'll think for days about how I could have said something less hurtfully, even if it was truthful. Meditation helps those scrupulous thoughts too. If I notice a buildup of those kinds of scrupulous thoughts, I do an examination of conscience. Examination of conscience is when you think of every single bad thing you did that day, week or month. You recognize that you did wrong. Then you resolve to do better and ask for help. That's all there is to it. Of course, if you're not sure if something is a fault, if you're being too hard on yourself, or could use an ear, find a good spiritual advisor you can trust.
I am an OCD sufferer as well, and as a Christian who believes in God, I can relate to your suffering immensely. I do not have the same theme you have, but I have had many very painful experiences associated with this disorder. There have been times I have nearly lost faith and hope for life, but God has never abandoned me no matter how far I have drifted into doubt, skepticism and confusion. I won’t talk about these experiences, but I will share some verses that help me a lot.
This is from 2nd Corinthians, chapter 1
“3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.”
This is relatable to anyone going through hard times, but is very comforting for the OCD sufferer. In pure OCD, we are often bombarded with thoughts, images, and other fears that create panic and self doubt. The most damaging part of it is not even the anxiety, but how it can make you question your basic character and relationship to God.
Here in Corinthians, Paul makes it clear that our faith in God is not something that we manufacture, but rather is only made strong in dependence to Christ. Suffering and trials are for our spiritual benefit, as they force us to leave our own comfort zone and run to God for strength. We were not created to be perfect vessels fit to be used by God. We are created broken and imperfect. Yet God uses the broken and imperfect in His plans, for our good deeds and thoughts are not dependent on our level of goodness, but on His perfect loving mercy. Mercy. God works through us precisely because we are unfit to be used for anything.
Another quote from Corinthians
“So to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. 10That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Here Paul describes being inflicted with a thorn in his flesh, and a messenger of Satan. Very relatable for OCD sufferers (especially the messenger of Satan part XD) Paul was greatly used by God, but he was also afflicted. We do not know exactly how, but it is cllear he went through deep spiritual anguish. Again, there is the same biblical theme. God at times allows trials to occur in order to keep us from looking to our own strength and becoming conceited. He uses suffering as a refining process. And through our sufferings, He receives glory.
When one makes a sharp sword, he first passes the metal through the fire in order to reach the desired effect. It is the same spiritually, in the Christian walk. We are often put through fire and storm, but Christ is always with us, even when He seems far. For it is when we are weak, that we are strong. There is a reason why you are going through this, friend. If you are a Christian (I am assuming you are sorry if I am wrong), then remember when you first trusted in God for your salvation. You understood that you were by no means worthy to be forgiven, but put your faith in Him anyway. It is the same with OCD. Recognize that you have a disorder (which is not your fault anyway), and put in in Gods hands.
People with OCD demand certainty. They feel compelled to perform compulsions in order to ascertain that nothing bad will happen, or that their fears are groundless. We are always looking for reassurance or proof, but never find it. Trusting in God and recognizing His control is the perfect therapy, because through faith we can lead ourselves to abandon the need for certainty about the world, our fears, or ourselves. If we believe in a sovereign God, then we can rest assured that everything rests in His hands. We can surrender our need to managed the puppet strings of our own lives, and take the leap of faith that it takes.
On a more down to earth note, OCD says nothing about your person. Having disturbing violent or nasty thoughts is the same as having a panic attack when you feel contaminated or that you did not say a word in the correct way. OCD says absolutely nothing about the character or personality of the afflicted person. Often, a person with OCD tends to be very sensitive and highly connected to moral virtues. Maybe this is why so many people with strong convictions have been afflicted with the disorder. When something comes across that threatens your convictions or world view, you react to it as a threat.
God bless and stay strong in this trial. God is with all of us.
