What makes people charming?

 I won’t write in the saccharine style that everyone else does on quora, but listen up, because my answers are going to be better. Here is a list of some things that make people charming (excluding physical beauty, of course):

1. low neuroticism. By “neuroticism” I mean predisposition to negative emotions. By “negative emotions,” I mean guilt, fear, anxiety, anger, panic, sadness, downheartedness, misery, etc.
   If a potential lover sees you in situations that might trigger some negative emotions, and if you power through them, you might charm. Examples of this would be performing in front of crowds without showing anxiety, handling disagreements really well, reining in other difficult people, handling socialization with strangers well, etc.
   
   Inversely, if you are easily triggered into feeling negative emotions, you will lose respect from the potential lover.
   
   From a “looks” perspective, having general negative emotions ruins your facial expressions. They cause you to have with awkward, twisted smiles & laughs, and “resting (fill in the blank) faces.”
2. displays of positive emotion. Simply smiling and laughing is fairly charming. It’s not much, but this kind of thing works for most animals, and we are animals, so…
   There is something attractive about giggly, energetic, cheerful, etc. people. It would not be correct to seek some “rational” reason why people would or should like these qualities, because we are attracted to positive people even when we do not know what they are so “positive” about, and even when we think their positivity is irrational! We instinctively seem to like the “warmth” of these emotions. The best explanation, then, would invoke evo-psych.
   
   It is interesting to note that one does not have to oneself display these positive emotions to woo someone. It is possible that you can charm by engendering positive emotions in others around you. This is why men benefit so much when other men “vouch” for them in front of women. If other people are talking about you in a positive way and seem to like you, it will affect the way your actions are perceived (it is like another “halo effect”), and this will have downstream effects that will help you charm.
   
   It is hard not to invoke artistic language to describe this. It is like you want to have a “positive aura” around you, which might penetrate&affect others around you, in order to charm.
3. displays of usefulness. Usefulness is vague here, so I will clarify that I mean it in a more evolutionary sense. A useful creature is a creature that gathers resources. Traits that make a creature good at gathering resources, which depends mostly on the ecological niche the creature lives in, are called “useful traits.” Some traits are useful in virtually any niche, such traits that make a creature able to handle conflict and danger (speed, awareness, reflexes, strength). Humans show this off with our sports. Some are not, such as the ability for humans in a high-earning region of a competitive modern country to do very well in STEM classes, which does impress people in these places.
   
   There are some sex differences, too. Useful men would be men who can protect women and young from great external threats (think of male lions). This is why a kind of toughness in men is actually very attractive to women. There is a reason women are more attracted to The Rock than to Zuckerberg, and it is not worldly success. Useful women would be women who show traits that would make her particularly good at taking care of babies. This is due to our species’ unique gender adaptations and roles, which is a subject of evo-psyche.
4. showing interest. I made this last for a reason (even though I never claimed this list to be ordered). The reason is that the main problem of people who fail at romance is *never* failing to show interest. It is always showing interest without persuading the love interest that you have something to offer.
   
   However, in the real world, adults save their passions for people and things that *deliver results* to them. Adolescents usually do not. They usually harbor crushes for girls or guys that show no interest in them, and they predictably get burned. And then they learn. This is part of the maturation process - to control your passions so that the serve you.
   
   So adults learn to *not* let themselves be too flattered with simply a display of usefulness, low-neuroticism, and/or positive emotions. They require a guarantee of interest. Some adults, if they get desperate, are happy enough just with someone who shows interest, even if the person is not that useful. They actually prefer that person over a superstar who shows no interest. This is a rational judgment.