How do I become stoic?

 Epictetus - How To Be A Stoic (Stoicism)

Good question.

I immediately think of three main characteristics of a stoic personality.

#1. Someone who embraces discomfort.

Being stoic isn’t about staying in your comfort zone. That’s the place where you’re surrounded by familiar things, people, and experiences. If you are used to studying for 12 hours at your desk, you keep doing it even if it makes you dizzy and leaves you unmotivated. If you react the same way when you have a problem at work, you continue with the same problem-solving approach even though you know the results won’t be any different. Staying in your comfort zone is the opposite of growth. As soon as you step out of it, you give yourself a chance to experience something new. Yes, you’ll experience growing pains. Yes, you’ll feel discomfort. Yes, you may feel out of place, or not knowledgeable enough, or even silly. Those are all good things. The more you get used to discomfort, the more flexible you’ll be when problem-solving. You can:

• Give yourself permission to feel. Being stoic isn’t about being in denial. You need to process your thoughts and feelings so they don’t overwhelm you. The best way to do this is by giving yourself the time to observe what you’re feeling. Are you scared? Frustrated? Feeling like you don’t belong? Dreading that you’ll fail? Acknowledge those feelings. Your awareness will benefit you.
• Learn to rely on yourself by trying to solve a problem at work or school by yourself first. If you make mistakes, it’s good. Mistakes will eventually lead you to success. You’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. And, you won’t be dependent on others to solve your problems.
• Don’t be afraid to try a different way of overcoming an obstacle. Experiment a little. Try something new. Learn and repeat and get better at something.

#2. Someone who practices self-discipline.

12 Stoic Lessons That Will Immediately Change Your Life – Ryan Holiday

This is probably the top habit to embrace if you want to practice stoicism. Why? Because putting off activities that make you feel great and give you pleasure does have its advantages. When you give yourself a healthy dose of self-discipline, you do something difficult first in order to reward yourself later. There’s even science to back this up: Stanford University’s Marshmallow experiment shows how delayed gratification can increase your chances at succeeding in many areas of your life. You can:

• Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing deep work. It will help you reduce the amount of procrastination you feel when you’re trying to prep for exams or meet deadlines for work projects. Use the first 4 hours of the day to read, write, problem-solve. Your brain will be able to focus more effectively.
• Resist the usual routine of waking up and reaching for your phone to start scrolling. If you’re like most people, you probably like to check email, Twitter, funny Tik Tok videos, websites, blogs, or even games. One good way to resist this is to turn off all notifications so you don’t see them pop up every time there’s a new post somewhere.
• Leave conversations, social media, and TV activities for the evening. Once you’re done with work for the day, of course you need to rest and have fun. Hold yourself accountable and don’t do things just for the pleasure of it unless you’ve completed your daily work goals.

12 Steps To Become A Perfect Stoic (How To Be A Stoic/Practical Stoicism)

#3. Someone who doesn’t waste time on pointless activities.

The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca devotes a section of his book On the Shortness of Life to this problem. Indulging in pointless activities was an issue for many people back then, too. Seneca describes gluttony, vanity, focusing on materialistic things, and trying to impress others. If you think about it, it’s not that different from our world today. There are ways to use your time more wisely. You can:

• Reduce your exposure to social media. Find a way to measure how much time you spend on Twitter, for example, and when you usually do this. Make a plan to reduce the total time and to check updates only in the evening.
• Don’t indulge in gossip and complaining when talking to friends. What would be the point, the end result of such an activity? You can’t change people’s behavior, and they won’t care about your opinion of them anyway. Find other topics that are more helpful and interesting. Use the time to learn something new from one another, tell a funny story, or share a positive experience.
• Keep one specific goal top of mind. When you’re focused on a personal or professional goal, you’re less likely to distract yourself with activities that will take you away from it. A good habit to practice each morning is to ask yourself, What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? Your answer will help your brain focus better because it won’t have to constantly evaluate and make decisions. And the rest of the day you’ll know that this is your mission and you will do what it takes to accomplish it. Just like in the words of Seneca, “Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectation.”

1 HOUR OF STOIC QUOTES - LIFE CHANGING QUOTES YOU NEED TO HEAR! (Calmly Spoken for Sleep, ASMR)

What is a stoic mindset?

Observing individuals who lead a creative life, we can identify elements of expertise, grit, an understanding, and passion. What’s easy to overlook is the inner system within an individual—the set of principles that govern their mind and behavior. When failure ensues or the need to adapt is necessary, how does one respond? What do they tell themselves? In other words, what’s their philosophy?

Not only does philosophy teach us how to live well and become better humans, but it can also aid in overcoming life’s trials and tribulations. Some schools of thought are for more abstract thinking and debate, whereas others are tools that are immediately practical to our current endeavors.

The principles within Stoicism are, perhaps, the most relevant and practical sets of rules for entrepreneurs, writers, and artists of all kinds. The Stoics focus on two things:

How can we lead a fulfilling, happy life?

How can we become better human beings?

The goal of Stoicism is to attain inner peace by overcoming adversity, practicing self-control, being conscious of our impulses, realizing our ephemeral nature and the short time allotted—these were all meditative practices that helped them live with their nature and not against it. It’s important that we understand the obstacles that we face and not run from them; it’s vital that we learn to transmute them into fuel to feed our fire.

It’s important that we understand the obstacles that we face and not run from them.

Our guides to Stoicism today will be its three renowned leaders: Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and Seneca.

Stoicism: Become Undefeatable

Epictetus was born a slave at about A.D. 55 in Hierapolis, Phrygia, located in the eastern borders of the Roman Empire. Early in his life he had a passion for philosophy, and with permission from his owner, he studied Stoic philosophy under the master Gaius Musonius Rufus. After Nero’s death—the fifth Roman emperor who ruled with tyranny and cruelty—Epictetus began to teach philosophy in Rome and then later in Greece where he founded a philosophical school teaching Stoicism—among his students was the future emperor of Rome, Marcus Aurelius.

Marcus Aurelius was born in A.D. 121, considered one of the greatest Roman emperors to have ever lived, and wrote in his journal during the dull moments of a war campaign. In his journal, which inadvertently became the book Meditations, served as reminders for Stoic principles that focused on humility, self-awareness, service, death, nature, and more.

Seneca was also a Roman Stoic philosopher, statesman, a tutor and advisor to Nero. His work involves dozens of essays and 124 letters that involve topics like education, friendship, civil duty, moral obligation, humility, self-awareness, self-denial, and more. He had many admirers like Montaigne, Tom Wolfe, Emerson, and John Stuart Mill.

I’m going to share some of my favorite principles from the Stoic school of philosophy, most of them pertaining to these three thinkers. If embraced and exercised regularly, Stoic tenets will champion your creativity, facilitate your workflow, and improve your overall state of mind and life. Creative work requires us to be vulnerable, committed, adaptive, and courageous, and that requires a mindset that can readily negate distractions or negative impulses while focusing our hearts and minds on what’s important. It’s a tough balancing act.

Without a philosophy to guide our work and life, we will relentlessly succumb to our excuses and distractions. We will make the comfortable mistake of acting on our moods (“I’m just not feeling it today”) and not on our principles.

Stoicism as a philosophy for an ordinary life | Massimo Pigliucci | TEDxAthens

1. Acknowledge that all emotions come from within

“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions — not outside.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

It is not outside forces that make us feel something, it is what we tell ourselves that create our feelings. A blank document, canvas, or unmarked to-do list is not inherently stressful—it’s your thoughts that are stressing you out. 

Many of us want to place blame and responsibility on external objects because it’s easy to do, but the truth remains that all conflicts start internally, in our minds. When we flee from reality—a deadline, an urgent email—we are doing nothing but harming ourselves and undermining our self-discipline.

The next time you run into an obstacle and feel resistance, don’t look at what’s around you. Instead, look within.

It is not outside forces that make us feel something, it is what we tell ourselves that create our feelings.

2. Find someone you respect, and use them to stay honest

“Choose someone whose way of life as well as words, and whose very face as mirroring the character that lies behind it, have won your approval. Be always pointing him out to yourself either as your guardian or as your model. This is a need, in my view, for someone as a standard against which our characters can measure themselves. Without a ruler to do it against you won’t make the crooked straight.” — Seneca, Letters From a Stoic

When I first started my blog and called myself a writer, who could I look up to? The courses at my university were irrelevant to my aspirations and desires. Luckily, the Internet provided access to great writers, their stories, work, and admonishments. I can point to someone I respect and say, “Ah, look at the value they provide, their work ethic, their platform—that is worth learning from.” 

Whatever you do—create apps, draw portraits, write books, or make animation films—there are individuals that you can learn from. You can study their story, works, techniques, successes and failures. You can listen to interviews or even reach out to them by sending an email. You can discover patterns of success and apply it to your life.

7 Stoic Exercises For Inner Peace

What’s important to realize is that this isn’t an exercise of comparison. If you don’t get a book deal in eight months or if your product doesn’t hit #1 in the first week, like your role model, that doesn’t make you a failure. Instead, how can you learn from your heroes? How are their teachings and principles helping you grow, learn, and create? Everyone, no matter how successful they are, has heroes/mentors to look towards. 

3. Recognize there is life after failure 

“Does what’s happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness, and all other qualities that allow a person’s nature to fulfill itself? So remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain: the thing itself was no misfortune at all; to endure it and prevail is great good fortune.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

You can spend months or even years on a project, only to watch it be criticized, or worse, ignored. I once worked on a project thinking that it would do fairly well. I spent an entire year on it, and it was my most vulnerable work to date.

The outcome was similar to having a baby and all the doctors laughing out loud, saying, “My goodness that is an ugly baby.”

That’s what failure feels like when you share a part of you. But recovering from that failure is a practice, a mindset—in fact, the lessons that I internalized from that experience is helping me do better work. The thinking goes: No failure, no growth.

No failure, no growth. 

How To Be a Stoic | Massimo Pigliucci

4. Read purposefully, and apply your knowledge

“Don’t just say you have read books. Show that through them you have learned to think better, to be a more discriminating and reflective person. Books are the training weights of the mind. They are very helpful, but it would be a bad mistake to suppose that one has made progress simply by having internalized their contents.” — Epictetus, The Art of Living 

Reading books on marketing or business or creativity will supply endless dots that have potential for connection to develop a more in-depth awareness, but what will ultimately make you effective at that craft is by applying it. Reading prepares your mind, even helps you avoid foolish mistakes, but at the end of it all there must be the result of some action: a failure, maybe a success, or a lesson.

The purpose of education is to internalize knowledge but ultimately spark action and facilitate wiser decisions. Reading self-help books will, in that moment, make you feel inspired for a change. But are you following your principles when you have a troll, rude customer, or angry stranger in your face? 

Epictetus

Epictetus

5. Challenge yourself to be brutally honest

“‘A consciousness of wrongdoing is the first step to salvation.’ This remark of Epicurus’ is to me a very good one. For a person who is not aware that he is doing anything wrong has no desire to be put right. You have to catch yourself doing it before you can reform. Some people boast about their failings: can you imagine someone who counts his faults as merits ever giving thought to their cure? So—to the best of your ability—demonstrate your own guilt, conduct inquiries of your own into all the evidence against yourself. Play the first part of prosecutor, then of judge and finally of pleader in mitigation. Be harsh with yourself at times.” — Seneca, Letters From a Stoic

It’s hard to change habits if you aren’t aware as to why you didn’t do your work today and chose to watch Netflix instead.

It’s important to be mindful of the urges that obstruct us from showing up, engaging, committing, and being present. “Why, exactly, am I feeling this way?” Get to the bottom of that. Investigate it. Dissect it. When you feel resistance, use that as a cue to go forward. The challenge, of course, is training yourself to think that way.

This isn’t about talent or some unconscious reflex. The practice of self-awareness—to think about your thinking—in how you think, feel, and behave is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

When you feel resistance, use that as a cue to go forward. 

Better Living Through Stoicism | Massimo Pigliucci | A Night of Philosophy and Ideas 

6. Reflect on what you spend the most time on 

“A key point to bear in mind: The value of attentiveness varies in proportion to its object. You’re better off not giving the small things more time than they deserve.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

That troll on your Twitter feed? It’s probably best to not respond. You don’t need to tell them where the unfollow button is located; I’m positive they know. That email? I know it’s fun connecting, but can it wait?

In my own observations, people who do excellent work, who master their craft, do so because of their ability to prioritize. They honor every hour of their day. If we put cameras behind our heroes, would our work ethic compare? Our focus? Our determination to get things done? 

The other day I was genuinely shocked at how much time I spent spectating on Instagram, watching other people live their lives and eat boats of sushi. Although these little breaks throughout our days are okay, we must be mindful of how we interact with our distractions (or is that addictions?). 

A lot of spectating and flicking our finger on Guerrilla Glass is time that could be spent creating the stuff that people want to see. 

7. Remind yourself: you weren’t meant to procrastinate.

Whenever I have trouble waking up or getting started, I read this passage:

“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work—as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?

 

—But it’s nicer here…

Stoicism vs. Buddhism | Robert Wright & Massimo Pigliucci [The Wright Show]

So you were born to feel ‘nice’? Instead of doings things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands? 

—But we have to sleep sometime…

Agreed. But nature set a limit on that—as it did on eating and drinking. And you’re over the limit. You’ve had more than enough of that. But not of working. There you’re still below your quota. You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you. People who love what they do wear themselves down doing it, they even forget to wash or eat. Do you have less respect for your own nature than the engraver does for engraving, the dancer for dance, the miser for money or the social climber for status? When they’re really possessed by what they do, they’d rather stop eating and sleeping than give up practicing their arts.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

8. Put the phone away and be present

“Nothing, to my way of thinking, is a better proof of a well ordered mind than a man’s ability to stop just where he is and pass some time in his own company.” — Seneca, Letters From a Stoic

It’s not that we live in an age of distractions, but rather an age where we are failing to teach and embrace mindful motives. To me, a child in a restaurant playing a game on her iPad is no different than an adult flicking through Instagram when friends are around. Both scenarios are moments of connection (to the people around you, not through your screen), communication, and enjoyment. 

To be present as well as learning to be alone is a habit. Some people are really good at it because they make time to do it—in fact, they need it or else they would go mad.

Throughout your day find a moment, however fleeting, to just sit and be still. Doesn’t matter where you are. Take a few deep breathes, put your phone on vibrate so there’s no chance of interruption, and just reflect on the series of events that took place throughout your day. When you’re working, be ruthlessly present. Let your mind focus on the task at hand, what you’re trying to accomplish, and do it with diligence, patience, attentiveness, and care. Sooner or later, you’ll realize how much of an asset this is to your creativity and overall quality of life. 

When you’re working, be ruthlessly present.

How To Practice Stoicism in Daily Life

9. Remind yourself that time is our most precious resource

“Not to live as if you had endless years ahead of you. Death overshadows you. While you’re alive and able — be good.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 

What I particularly love and find challenging about Stoicism is that death is at the forefront of their thoughts. They realized the ephemeral nature of humans and how this is repeated in many facets of life.

It provides a sense of urgency, to realize that you’ve lived a certain number of hours and the hours ahead of you are not guaranteed as the ones you have lived. When I think of this I realize that everyday truly is an opportunity to improve, not in a cliché kind of way, but to learn to honestly appreciate what we are capable of achieving and how we are very responsible for the quality of our lives. 

This makes our self-respect, work ethic, generosity, self-awareness, attention, and growth evermore important. The last thing any of us wants to do is die with regret, hence why following principles of Stoicism puts your life into perspective. It humbles you and should also deeply motivate you. 

Lastly, in the words of Seneca, “We should hunt out the helpful pieces of teaching and the spirited and noble-minded sayings which are capable of immediate practical application–not far far-fetched or archaic expressions or extravagant metaphors and figures of speech–and learn them so well that words become works.” 

The way we lead our lives and do our work must embody the principles that we practice. Less comparing, criticizing, and consuming; more creating, learning, and living.

A Stoic is an adherent of Stoicism, an ancient Greek and Roman philosophy of life. Stoics thought that, in order to be happy, we must learn to distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot. Those things in our life that we can control, we should try to steer towards their best outcomes for all. Those that we cannot control, we must learn to accept. Not knowing the difference between the two classes of things is a major source of human unhappiness. Famous Stoics were the philosopher and former slave Epictetus, the writer Seneca the Younger and the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.

What is a Stoic person? On a prominent website, you find this description:

Stoicism 101

Being stoic is being calm and almost without any emotion. When you’re stoic, you don’t show what you’re feeling and you also accept whatever is happening. … The adjective stoic describes any person, action, or thing that seems emotionless and almost blank. (vocabulary.com)

That’s quite misleading, and a good demonstration of why one shouldn’t use dictionaries to answer philosophical questions.

Human Dignity and Freedom

Human Dignity and Freedom

Erich Fromm and Richard Taylor on the perils of capitalism.

The Stoics were an ancient Greek and Roman school of philosophers, who counted among them a slave, a celebrated writer, and an Emperor of Rome (Epictetus, Seneca the Younger and Marcus Aurelius, respectively). Their world view was complex and included the study of the natural sciences, but one of the main principles of their theory of happiness was that:

One should clearly distinguish between events that one has control over, and those that one cannot control.

This is the basis of correct thinking and of reaching one’s maximum potential as a human being. Because only after we’re able to see what we can influence and what we cannot, we can approach these two classes of events in different, and appropriate, ways.

The events that I can control, I must control, the Stoic would say. It is my duty as a human being and as a citizen to use my power and my influence in society to the maximum extent possible, in order to benefit everyone who comes into the sphere of my control.

One should clearly distinguish between events that one has control over, and those that one cannot control. 

And this, in turn, has to do with the realisation that we are all equally valuable as human beings, and that our concerns, fears and loves all count the same, all are equally important. Selfish people, in the Stoic world view, are just mistaken about the importance of their own self. They are deluded, they fail to recognise that, to everyone else except themselves, they are “just another dude over there,” not better or worse than anyone else. The Stoic attempts to learn to see himself or herself in just the same way as he or she looks upon others.

Stoicon 2018: Tony Long "Stoicism Ancient and Modern"

Epictetus writes:

The will of nature may be learned from those things in which we don’t distinguish from each other. For example, when our neighbor’s boy breaks a cup, or the like, we are presently ready to say, ‘These things will happen.’ Be assured, then, that when your own cup likewise is broken, you ought to be affected just as when another’s cup was broken. Apply this in like manner to greater things. (Enchiridion, 26)

Since we are all equal in value and importance, we really don’t have any reason to be selfish. We should therefore exercise our control in such a way that we achieve the most benefit for all, not only ourselves. But this doesn’t mean at all that we should be indifferent, cold, emotionless or “blank.” Just the opposite. When a Stoic like the Emperor of Rome acts, he knows that his actions are going to affect all, and he would put all his wisdom, all his knowledge and all his passion into the attempt to act in the best, the wisest, the most beneficial way possible. Everything else would mean to neglect one’s duty to our fellow human beings.

April 26, 121 AD: Marcus Aurelius is born

April 26, 121 AD: Marcus Aurelius is born

April 26, 121 AD marks the birthday of Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius, who still inspires us today with his sense of humility and duty.

But the wise man also recognises that their power to influence the world is limited. Illness, wars, natural disasters, accidents, even attacks by other men cannot always be avoided. These things happen, but often we are powerless to change them.

If this happens, and only then, the Stoic would say that the right reaction is acceptance, what the Stoics called synkatathesis, assent. But the assent, the calm acceptance of the world’s evils may only be offered when the Stoic person is not able to act in a different way, when nothing they might possibly do would change the negative event.

When one is utterly powerless, then, and only then, acceptance becomes a wise option.

Nancy Sherman on ancient and modern Stoic wisdom

As long as the Stoic has any hope of winning, they will go on fighting, resisting, changing the world, trying to make it better, more just, more free and equal.

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Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher-king, died far away from his home and his palace, in the cold mud of a battlefield in the forests of what now is Vienna. He didn’t need to. As the Emperor, he could have stayed in Rome, safe, enjoying the privileges of being the world’s most powerful man of that time. But he choose not to. Far from being emotioness and blank, he went out to fight and give his life for what he believed: to improve the lives of the people who had been entrusted to his care as a leader.

When one is utterly powerless, then, and only then, acceptance becomes a wise option. 

Leaning over a notebook under the flickering light of an oil lamp, every night after the day’s battle, he wrote a few sentences into his diary. Notes to myself, he called it, and only later people decided to call it with the grander title “Meditations.” And this is what the Emperor wrote:

Begin the morning by saying to yourself, I shall meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, the arrogant, the deceitful, the envious, the unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. But I who have seen the nature of the good and I know that it is beautiful, and I who know that the bad is ugly, … I also know that it is just like myself. Not only of the same blood or seed, but that it participates in the same intelligence and the same portion of the divinity. I can not be injured by any of them, and no one can fix on me what is ugly. Nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him, for we are made for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. To act against one another then is contrary to nature; and it is acting against one another to be annoyed and to turn away. (Meditations, Book 2)

It is in our power to change ourselves. And every new day, every new morning, is a chance to become a little bit wiser, stronger, and greater than we have been the day before. This, not blandness and indifference, is the true attitude of the Stoic.

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Stoic philosophy has become popular again. Yet most people do not know  what stoicism all about.

Learn how to be Stoic and what to do in real life to reap this wonderful philosophy’s benefits?

Stoicism for Everyday Life - Roundtable Discussion

What You Will Learn [show]

What is Stocism?

Stoicism, just like an old reliable walking stick, is a guide to life based on reason rather than faith that supports you in the pursuit of self-mastery, perseverance, patience, and wisdom. Despite the philosophy’s age, its invaluable tools to excel in life feel modern and fresh.

By adopting Stoicism as a way of life, you’ll discover that philosophy is built for action, not endless head-scratching. It’s a lifelong path to resilience, confidence, and calmness – essential skills to thrive no matter what life throws at you.

In his book THE LITTLE BOOK OF STOICISM: Timeless Wisdom to Gain Resilience, Confidence, and Calmness, Jonas Salzgeber introduces the ready-to-use mix of timeless wisdom and empowering advice that will point the way to anyone seeking a calm and wise life.

In this article, he answers the question, “How to Be Stoic” with ten practical mindsets to adopt for everyday life. In the end, it’s not what happens to us but our reactions to it that matter.

The Little Book of Stoicism- Jonas Salzgeber

The Little Book of Stoicism- Jonas Salzgeber

Don’t get overwhelmed by all the 10 how to be Stoic mindsets. Find one that you like, and put it into practice. If you read all ten, you risk not putting any of them into action. As Stoic teacher Epictetus asked his students:

“If you didn’t learn these things in order to demonstrate them in practice, what did you learn them for?”

It’s time to dive in. How to be Stoic? Here are ten mindsets to live by.

10 Mindsets that Cultivate Stoicism

The philosophy of Stoicism - Massimo Pigliucci

1. Be Kind

The Stoics saw your ability to show kindness as an opportunity. It’s your chance to make someone’s day. A smile, an honest compliment, or thanking the cashier – nothing can hinder you from being kind. It’s always possible.

“Kindness is invincible,” says Marcus Aurelius, as long as it’s sincere. “For what can even the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness?”

Next time you get treated meanly, don’t fight back but accept it. Don’t resist what happens. Accept it as it is and respond with tolerance and kindness, it’s the best you can do.

“Most rudeness, meanness, and cruelty are a mask for deep-seated weakness,” says Ryan Holiday. “Kindness in these situations is only possible for people of great strength.”

Be kind and show your strength.

2. Be An Eternal Student

“Leisure without study is death—a tomb for the living person.” – Seneca

Never take a day off from learning.

Why Stoicism Matters

We shall not only leave the remnants of time to learning, but we must actively make time for it. That’s what we’re here for. To seek wisdom to improve ourselves, to get better, to learn how to be a good parent, spouse, and friend.

“The value of education, like that of gold, is valued in every place,” Epictetus eloquently said.

You don’t have an excuse.

Today, it’s easier than ever to learn something new every day. Wisdom is abundant all over the internet. Books are cheap and get delivered directly to your comfy reading chair. We can learn from the smartest people who ever lived—for a few bucks. Learn and don't be afraid to ask philosophical questions to broaden your perspective.

3. Say Only What Isn’t Better Left Unsaid

“Let silence be your goal for the most part; say only what is necessary, and be brief about it. On the rare occasions when you’re called upon to speak, then speak, but never about banalities like gladiators, horses, sports, food and drink—common-place stuff. Above all don’t gossip about people, praising, blaming or comparing them.”– Epictetus

Did you ever notice that people speak primarily about themselves? Even if they ask questions, as soon as they see the chance, they jump in and talk about something related to them.

Stoic Men have 10 Traits that 99% of Men do Not. (stoicism explained)

Whatever the topic, they will find something from their own life to add to the conversation. That’s what we do. We like to talk about ourselves.

The problem with that? We don’t listen with the intention to understand but we prepare what we want to say next.

The Stoic mindset to adopt here is twofold:

(1) Don’t gossip. Don’t blame. Don’t complain. Don’t talk too much. Especially not about what’s not meaningful.

And (2) listen instead. Listen with the intention to understand what the other person is trying to say.

“It’s better to trip with the feet than with the tongue,” as Zeno of Citium, the founder of Stoicism, said.

(For more inspiration, here are more quotes about silence.)

4. Don’t Get Disturbed and Buy Tranquility Instead

“Starting with things of little value—a bit of spilled oil, a little stolen wine—repeat to yourself: ‘For such a small price I buy tranquility and peace of mind.’” – Epictetus

Stoicism: How to Be a Stoic in Daily Life | Marcus Aurelius' Morning Routine

“I buy tranquility instead.” This sentence saved me countless times from getting angry and irritated. How often do we get angry at trifles? How often do we lose our mind for something as insignificant as a fart in the bathroom?

We let small things arouse our anger, and our consequential actions arouse anger in others, and so forth. The Stoics want to stay calm even in the midst of a storm, and yet we go crazy when our roomie forgets to do the dishes, leaves skid marks behind in the toilet, or doesn’t do his chores.

How to be stoic: buy tranquility

How to be stoic: buy tranquility

Stay calm and don't get disturbed. Buy tranquility instead.

It doesn’t need to be this way. Before you react to whatever arouses anger within, say to yourself: “I buy tranquility instead.” Then smile, do what needs to get done, and move on with your life. This will save you a ton of nerves and energy.

You will soon realize that the small things that usually irritate you are not worth the hassle.

[Want to learn more about other philosophies? Read more in these philosophy books]

5. See the Opportunity in Challenging Situations

Difficult situations in life are only obstacles if we make them so. It depends on how we look at those challenges—we can either see obstacles and get blocked, or we can see opportunities and make progress.

The Stoics searched for an opportunity for growth in every challenge. No matter what life threw at them, they had the choice: Would they be blocked by challenges, or would they fight through them?

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How to be Stoic? Adopt this mindset. Either we shrink or we grow.

This all comes down to our perception. The same situation can either be perceived as a lead ball chained to your feet or as wings growing out of your shoulder blades. How you interpret the challenge is crucial to your success of overcoming it. Ultimately, it’s never the challenges that matter, but what you do with them.

And hey, this isn’t about wearing rose-tinted glasses. Terrible things happen, that’s sure. This is just showing that you always have a choice. Either you bury your head in the sand when things seem to turn against you, or you keep your head up and see it as an opportunity for growth. Your choice.

6. Choose Courage and Calm over Anger

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

Anger is a passion, a negative emotion the Stoics wanted to minimize.

Anger, the desire to repay suffering, is brief madness, says Seneca. Because an angry man lacks self-control, is forgetful of kinship, deaf to reason and advice, gets aroused by trifles, and doesn’t know what’s true and false—“very like a falling rock which breaks itself to pieces upon the very thing which it crushes.”

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Getting angry hurts yourself the most.

“The sword of justice is ill-placed in the hands of an angry man,” Seneca said.

We can find sufficient inducement without anger—with the right values in place such as love, compassion, justice, and courage.

7. Play Your Given Cards Well

“Life is neither good nor bad; it is the space for both good and bad.” – Seneca

Think of different life situations as hands you were dealt like in poker. The hands are dealt by chance; you have no say in what you’ll get. Basically, these life situations are neutral. What matters now is how well you play them. It’s all you control.

“In poker as in life, you can win with any hand. Sure, you prefer double ace and a healthy wife, but that’s not up to you.” This analogy from The Little Book of Stoicism goes on: “What’s up to you is what you do with the given situation. Once the hand has been dealt, you have no choice but accept what’s too late to change, and you wish no longer for a more preferable hand but for the strength to play it the best you can.”

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An admirable player tries to play their given hands the best they can. And then accept the outcome calmly, focus on what they control, and then play on.

In the end, it’s not the given cards that matter, but what you do with them. You don’t control all that happens to you in life, but you have the power to choose what to do with the given situations.

[Want to learn more about stoicism and other philosophies? Learn from these philosophy podcasts]

8. Love Whatever Happens

“O world, I am in tune with every note of thy great harmony. For me nothing is early, nothing late if it be timely for thee. O Nature, all that thy seasons yield is fruit for me.” – Marcus Aurelius

Amor Fati – Accept rather than fight every little thing that happens. If we resist reality, if we think things are going against us, then we will suffer.

“If this is the will of nature, then so be it.” That’s a maxim the Stoics lived by. We must acknowledge that there’s something bigger than us, and that we don’t control everything that happens around us.

The Stoics said we should adapt to whatever happens so that nothing happens against our will and nothing that we wish for fails to happen. Let’s bring our will into harmony with what’s going on around us. “Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant,” as Seneca put it.

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Nature is immensely complex and it’s impossible to tell whether anything that happens is good or bad. Because you never know what will be the consequences of misfortunes. And you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune. (Stolen from this recommended YouTube video: The Story of the Chinese Farmer.)

We can’t change what already is. Therefore it’s smartest to adopt this Stoic mindset and accept reality, focus on where your power lies, and try to make the best with what’s given.

9. Don’t Get Played Like a Puppet

“If a person gave away your body to some passersby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you, leaving it disturbed and troubled—have you no shame in that?” – Epictetus

The ambiguous remark of a colleague, the boyfriend who didn’t call, or the comment of a stranger—we get spun around by things beyond our control. Like puppets, we let external circumstances and other people pull the strings and dance to their liking.

Stoic mindset- don't get played like a puppet

Stoic mindset- don't get played like a puppet

Avoid rashness in your actions, stay calm, and don’t get pulled by what’s not under your control. Don’t get played like a puppet.

How I'm Becoming a Stoic

We dance to sunshine and stomp to rain. We cheer the goal of our favorite team and bemoan the late equalizer. This is madness. The mind is our own. But we’re unaware and oops, it’s in the hand of the weatherman or the ref.

Hey, let’s wake up! We are able to decide what external events mean to us. We don’t have to get jerked around by what happens around us. We can actually remain calm without getting hurt or irritated.

Cut the strings that pull your mind. Take back what’s meant to be yours. Stop the madness. Avoid rashness in your actions, stay calm, and don’t get pulled by what’s not under your control. You’re not a puppet.

10. Play the Equanimity Game

“When force of circumstance upsets your equanimity, lose no time in recovering your self-control, and do not remain out of tune longer than you can help. Habitual recurrence to the harmony will increase your mastery of it.” – Marcus Aurelius

We all get caught off guard from time to time. Not just by major events, but also by minor, often unexpected occurrences. The train doesn’t arrive on time, your bike gets stolen, your friend cancels the date at the last minute.

It’s in weak moments when such insignificant situations can knock us out. We lose balance and become irritable and grouchy.

Jordan Peterson VS Stoicism | Philosophy

Look, there’s no problem in getting thrown out of balance sometimes, it happens to all of us. As a Stoic student, you know this. Your main goal is to recover as quickly as possible. Like a punching ball that rebounds whenever you hit it.

The most important: Get back to balance as soon as possible. Don’t be knocked out any longer than necessary. Get a hold on yourself and get back up! Return to balance.

Modern philosopher Brian Johnson calls this the Equanimity Game. The rules are simple: (1) notice when you’re off-balance, then (2) see how fast you can catch yourself and correct yourself—bringing yourself back to equanimity.

NOW: Put at Least One Mindset into Action

“That’s why the philosophers warn us not to be satisfied with mere learning, but to add practice and then training. For as time passes we forget what we learned and end up doing the opposite, and hold opinions the opposite of what we should.” – Epictetus

The danger is obvious: We learn new things but fail to put them into practice. Don’t let that happen with these Stoic mindsets. Choose one, decide where and when you want to put into action, and then do it.

Lead by example.

[Want to improve your like learn how to develop a growth mindset.]

Introduction to Stoicism

Did You Enjoy These Stoic Mindsets?

The Little Book of Stoicism is packed with illustrations and practices that will show you how to deal more effectively with life’s challenges and how to finally live up to what you’re truly capable of. For men and women alike, this direct and digestible guide helps you understand and, most importantly, put the ancient wisdom from a book page into action in the real world.

What are the 4 virtues of stoicism?

Stoic Ethics

The tremendous influence Stoicism has exerted on ethical thought from early Christianity through Immanuel Kant and into the twentieth century is rarely understood and even more rarely appreciated. Throughout history, Stoic ethical doctrines have both provoked harsh criticisms and inspired enthusiastic defenders. The Stoics defined the goal in life as living in agreement with nature. Humans, unlike all other animals, are constituted by nature to develop reason as adults, which transforms their understanding of themselves and their own true good. The Stoics held that virtue is the only real good and so is both necessary and, contrary to Aristotle, sufficient for happiness; it in no way depends on luck. The virtuous life is free of all passions, which are intrinsically disturbing and harmful to the soul, but includes appropriate emotive responses conditioned by rational understanding and the fulfillment of all one’s personal, social, professional, and civic responsibilities. The Stoics believed that the person who has achieved perfect consistency in the operation of his rational faculties, the “wise man,” is extremely rare, yet serves as a prescriptive ideal for all. The Stoics believed that progress toward this noble goal is both possible and vitally urgent.

Table of Contents

Definition of the End

Theory of Appropriation

Good, Evil, and Indifferents

Appropriate Acts and Perfect Acts

Passions

Moral Progress

References and Further Reading

PHILOSOPHY - The Stoics

1. Definition of the End

Stoicism is known as a eudaimonistic theory, which means that the culmination of human endeavor or ‘end’ (telos) is eudaimonia, meaning very roughly “happiness” or “flourishing.” The Stoics defined this end as “living in agreement with nature.” “Nature” is a complex and multivalent concept for the Stoics, and so their definition of the goal or final end of human striving is very rich.

The first sense of the definition is living in accordance with nature as a whole, i.e. the entire cosmos. Cosmic nature (the universe), the Stoics firmly believed, is a rationally organized and well-ordered system, and indeed coextensive with the will of Zeus, the impersonal god. Consequently, all events that occur within the universe fit within a coherent, well-structured scheme that is providential. Since there is no room for chance within this rationally ordered system, the Stoics’ metaphysical determinism further dictated that this cosmic Nature is identical to fate. Thus at this level, “living in agreement with nature” means conforming one’s will with the sequence of events that are fated to occur in the rationally constituted universe, as providentially willed by Zeus.

Each type of thing within the universe has its own specific constitution and character. This second sense of ‘nature’ is what we use when we say it is the nature of fire to move upward. The manner in which living things come to be, change, and perish distinguishes them from the manner in which non-living things come to be, change, and cease to be. Thus the nature of plants is quite distinct from the nature of rocks and sand. To “live in agreement with nature” in this second sense would thus include, for example, metabolic functions: taking in nutrition, growth, reproduction, and expelling waste. A plant that is successful at performing these functions is a healthy, flourishing specimen.

In addition to basic metabolism, animals have the capacities of sense-perception, desire, and locomotion. Moreover, animals have an innate impulse to care for their offspring. Thus living in agreement with a creature’s animality involves more complex behaviors than those of a plant living in agreement with its nature. For an animal parent to neglect its own offspring would therefore be for it to behave contrary to its nature. The Stoics believed that compared to other animals, human beings are neither the strongest, nor the fastest, nor the best swimmers, nor able to fly. Instead, the distinct and uniquely human capacity is reason. Thus for human beings, “living in agreement with nature” means living in agreement with our special, innate endowment—the ability to reason.

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2. Theory of Appropriation

The Stoics developed a sophisticated psychological theory to explain how the advent of reason fundamentally transforms the world view of human beings as they mature. This is the theory of ‘appropriation,’ or oikeiôsis, a technical term which scholars have also translated variously as “orientation,” “familiarization,” “affinity,” or “affiliation.” The word means the recognition of something as one’s own, as belonging to oneself. The opposite of oikeiôsis is allotriôsis, which neatly translates as “alienation.” According to the Stoic theory of appropriation, there are two different developmental stages. In the first stage, the innate, initial impulse of a living organism, plant, or animal is self-love and not pleasure, as the rival Epicureans contend. The organism is aware of its own constitution, though for plants this awareness is more primitive than it is for animals. This awareness involves the immediate recognition of its own body as “belonging to” itself. The creature is thus directed toward maintaining its constitution in its proper, i.e. its natural, condition. As a consequence, the organism is impelled to preserve itself by pursuing things that promote its own well-being and by avoiding things harmful to it. Pleasure is only a by-product of success in this activity. In the case of a human infant, for example, appropriation explains why the baby seeks his mother’s milk. But as the child matures, his constitution evolves. The child continues to love himself, but as he matures into adolescence his capacity for reason emerges and what he recognizes as his constitution, or self, is crucially transformed. Where he previously identified his constitution as his body, he begins to identify his constitution instead with his mental faculty (reason) in a certain relation to his body. In short, the self that he now loves is his rationality. Our human reason gives us an affinity with the cosmic reason, Nature, that guides the universe. The fully matured adult thus comes to identify his real self, his true good, with his completely developed, perfected rational soul. This best possible state of the rational soul is exactly what virtue is.

Whereas the first stage of the theory of appropriation gives an account of our relationship toward ourselves, the second stage explains our social relationship toward others. The Stoics observed that a parent is naturally impelled to love her own children and have concern for their welfare. Parental love is motivated by the child’s intimate affinity and likeness to her. But since we possess reason in common with all (or nearly all) human beings, we identify ourselves not only with our own immediate family, but with all members of the human race—they are all fellow members of our broader rational community. In this way the Stoics meant social appropriation to constitute an explanation of the natural genesis of altruism.

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3. Good, Evil, and Indifferents

The Stoics defined the good as “what is complete according to nature for a rational being qua rational being” (Cicero Fin. III.33). As explained above, the perfected nature of a rational being is precisely the perfection of reason, and the perfection of reason is virtue. The Stoics maintained, quite controversially among ancient ethical thought, that the only thing that always contributes to happiness, as its necessary and sufficient condition, is virtue. Conversely, the only thing that necessitates misery and is “bad” or “evil” is the corruption of reason, namely vice. All other things were judged neither good nor evil, but instead fell into the class of “indifferents.” They were called “indifferents” because the Stoics held that these things in themselves neither contribute to nor detract from a happy life. Indifferents neither benefit nor harm since they can be used well and badly.

However, within the class of indifferents the Stoics distinguished the “preferred” from the “dispreferred.” (A third subclass contains the ‘absolute’ indifferents, e.g. whether the number of hairs on one’s head is odd or even, whether to bend or extend one’s finger.) Preferred indifferents are “according to nature.” Dispreferred indifferents are “contrary to nature.” This is because possession or use of the preferred indifferents usually promotes the natural condition of a person, and so selecting them is usually commended by reason. The preferred indifferents include life, health, pleasure, beauty, strength, wealth, good reputation, and noble birth. The dispreferred indifferents include death, disease, pain, ugliness, weakness, poverty, low repute, and ignoble birth. While it is usually appropriate to avoid the dispreferred indifferents, in unusual circumstances it may be virtuous to select them rather than avoid them. The virtue or vice of the agent is thus determined not by the possession of an indifferent, but rather by how it is used or selected. It is the virtuous use of indifferents that makes a life happy, the vicious use that makes it unhappy.

The Stoics elaborated a detailed taxonomy of virtue, dividing virtue into four main types: wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation. Wisdom is subdivided into good sense, good calculation, quick-wittedness, discretion, and resourcefulness. Justice is subdivided into piety, honesty, equity, and fair dealing. Courage is subdivided into endurance, confidence, high-mindedness, cheerfulness, and industriousness. Moderation is subdivided into good discipline, seemliness, modesty, and self-control. Similarly, the Stoics divide vice into foolishness, injustice, cowardice, intemperance, and the rest. The Stoics further maintained that the virtues are inter-entailing and constitute a unity: to have one is to have them all. They held that the same virtuous mind is wise, just, courageous, and moderate. Thus, the virtuous person is disposed in a certain way with respect to each of the individual virtues. To support their doctrine of the unity of virtue, the Stoics offered an analogy: just as someone is both a poet and an orator and a general but is still one individual, so too the virtues are unified but apply to different spheres of action.

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4. Appropriate Acts and Perfect Acts

Once a human being has developed reason, his function is to perform “appropriate acts” or “proper functions.” The Stoics defined an appropriate act as “that which reason persuades one to do” or “that which when done admits of reasonable justification.” Maintaining one’s health is given as an example. Since health is neither good nor bad in itself, but rather is capable of being used well or badly, opting to maintain one’s health by, say, walking, must harmonize with all other actions the agent performs. Similarly, sacrificing one’s property is an example of an act that is only appropriate under certain circumstances. The performance of appropriate acts is only a necessary and not a sufficient condition of virtuous action. This is because the agent must have the correct understanding of the actions he performs. Specifically, his selections and rejections must form a continuous series of actions that is consistent with all of the virtues simultaneously. Each and every deed represents the totality and harmony of his moral integrity. The vast majority of people are non-virtuous because though they may follow reason correctly in honoring their parents, for example, they fail to conform to ‘the laws of life as a whole’ by acting appropriately with respect to all of the other virtues.

The scale of actions from vicious to virtuous can be laid out as follows: (1) Actions done “against the appropriate act,” which include neglecting one’s parents, not treating friends kindly, not behaving patriotically, and squandering one’s wealth in the wrong circumstances; (2) Intermediate appropriate actions in which the agent’s disposition is not suitably consistent, and so would not count as virtuous, although the action itself approximates proper conduct. Examples include honoring one’s parents, siblings, and country, socializing with friends, and sacrificing one’s wealth in the right circumstances; (3) “Perfect acts” performed in the right way by the agent with an absolutely rational, consistent, and formally perfect disposition. This perfect disposition is virtue.

5. Passions

As we have seen, only virtue is good and choiceworthy, and only its opposite, vice, is bad and to be avoided according to Stoic ethics. The vast majority of people fail to understand this. Ordinary people habitually and wrongly judge various objects and events to be good and bad that are in fact indifferent. The disposition to make a judgment disobedient to reason is the psychic disturbance the Stoics called passion (pathos). Since passion is an impulse (a movement of the soul) which is excessive and contrary to reason, it is irrational and contrary to nature. The four general types of passion are distress, fear, appetite, and pleasure. Distress and pleasure pertain to present objects, fear and appetite to future objects. The following table illustrates their relations.

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Table of Four Passions (pathê)

Present Object

Future Object

Irrationally judged to be good

Pleasure

Appetite

Irrationally judged to be bad

Distress

Fear

Distress is an irrational contraction of the soul variously described as malice, envy, jealousy, pity, grief, worry, sorrow, annoyance, vexation, or anguish. Fear, an irrational shrinking of the soul, is expectation of something bad; hesitation, agony, shock, shame, panic, superstition, dread, and terror are classified under it. Appetite is an irrational stretching or swelling of the soul reaching for an expected good; it is also called want, yearning, hatred, quarrelsomeness, anger, wrath, intense sexual craving, or spiritedness. Pleasure is an irrational elation over what seems to be worth choosing; it includes rejoicing at another’s misfortunes, enchantment, self-gratification, and rapture.

The soul of the virtuous person, in contrast, is possessed of three good states or affective responses (eupatheiai). The three ‘good states’ of the soul are joy (chara), caution (eulabeia), and wish (boulêsis). Joy, the opposite of pleasure, is a reasonable elation; enjoyment, good spirits, and tranquility are classed under it. Caution, the opposite of fear, is a reasonable avoidance. Respect and sanctity are subtypes of caution. Wish, the opposite of appetite, is a reasonable striving also described as good will, kindliness, acceptance, or contentment. There is no “good feeling” counterpart to the passion of distress.

Table of Three Good States

Present Object

Future Object

Rationally judged to be good

Joy

Wish

Rationally judged to be bad

—

Caution

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For example, the virtuous person experiences joy in the company of a friend, but recognizes that the presence of the friend is not itself a real good as virtue is, but only preferred. That is to say the company of the friend is to be sought so long as doing so in no way involves any vicious acts like a dereliction of his responsibilities to others. The friend’s absence does not hurt the soul of the virtuous person, only vice does. The vicious person’s soul, in contrast, is gripped by the passion of pleasure in the presence of, say, riches. When the wealth is lost, this irrational judgment will be replaced by the corresponding irrational judgment that poverty is really bad, thus making the vicious person miserable. Consequently, the virtuous person wishes to see his friend only if in the course of events it is good to happen. His wish is thus made with reservation (hupexhairesis): “I wish to see my friend if it is fated, if Zeus wills it.” If the event does not occur, then the virtuous person is not thwarted, and as a result he is not disappointed or unhappy. His wish is rational and in agreement with nature, both in the sense of being obedient to reason (which is distinctive of our human constitution) and in the sense of harmonizing with the series of events in the world.

The virtuous person is not passionless in the sense of being unfeeling like a statue. Rather, he mindfully distinguishes what makes a difference to his happiness—virtue and vice—from what does not. This firm and consistent understanding keeps the ups and downs of his life from spinning into the psychic disturbances or “pathologies” the Stoics understood passions to be.

6. Moral Progress

The early Stoics were fond of uncompromising dichotomies—all who are not wise are fools, all who are not free are slaves, all who are not virtuous are vicious, etc. The later Stoics distinguished within the class of fools between those making progress and those who are not. Although the wise man or sage was said to be rarer than the phoenix, it is useful to see the concept of the wise man functioning as a prescriptive ideal at which all can aim. This ideal is thus not an impossibly high target, its pursuit sheer futility. Rather, all who are not wise have the rational resources to persevere in their journey toward this ideal. Stoic teachers could employ this exalted image as a pedagogical device to exhort their students to exert constant effort to improve themselves and not lapse into complacency. The Stoics were convinced that as one approached this goal, one came closer to real and certain happiness.

The Obstacle Is The Way: How Stoics Turn Tragedy To Triumph | Ryan Holiday | The Obstacle Is The Way

A Stoic Personality is a personality that events do not matter, and that only our reactions to events matter.

Most people when late for work because of a traffic accident, then shouted at by their boss will think, “This is a terrible day. My boss shouted at me, and it wasn’t even my fault. What a jerk.

And that stupid accident, why can’t people just watch what they’re doing.

This always happens to me.”

A stoic will think, “

• I saw an accident, I feel bad for those people. I hope they are okay
• My boss shouted at me, I was late, and they didn’t understand the circumstance
• How should I respond? I’ll respond by doing my job and performing good work. After all, why should these events outside of my control effect what I try to do everyday?
  “

You’ll notice that while the average person will focus on their emotions, how unfair the world is, and how everything is about them. The stoic is acknowledging that uncontrollable events happen, is compassionate, then controls their response and doesn’t let it be influenced by outside factors.

That is a stoic personality

I believe to best understand the personality it's good to look at it in 5 important situations.

1. Many of us love sporting events, they are fun. How ever when the home teams wins or loses the stoic doesnt get happy or sad. It's the nature of sports to have a winner or loser. Additionally as a stoic you have the view that you weren't playing so you shouldn't be affected by it because you didnt win or lose.
2. Jobs. Stoics understand you dont control whether you get or keep a job. If you could control it you could get the job anytime you want and wouldn't have to ever worry about losing it. As such no one is better or worse as a person based on their job. Everyone is fulfilling their purpose.
3. Relationships and things. People die or leave in their own direction. Things get lost, stolen or destroyed. It's the nature of it. Stoics love things for their nature. We love our homes and our wife. However, it's the experience we love. Having the house itself doesn't make you happy. House burns down it doesn't make you sad. Wife being married to you doesnt make you happy. Wife leaving doesnt make you sad. It doesn't make you happy or sad because they are aacting according to their nature and should be loved as such.
4. Opinions of others dont matter. We tend to have few opinions. Opinions are not fact and therefore have no meaning. To a stoic character is a big deal. It's an internal that you have control over. So if a stoic lies he is a liar and chose to have a bad character. However is you are out with friends and a girl doesn't like how you look. That's an opinion. Further, we dont control genetics. If we could we would decide our metabolism, our eye color, skin color etc. Their opinion is not fact so it is meaninglessness.
5. Many think fasting is a part of stoicism. As a stoic you realize you dont have control over objects. So having them doesn't make you happy. Food shouldn't make you happy. It is there to sustain you. If you have to fast to be grateful about having food you are being too emotional about external things. If food is served yo you take it. If it hasnt arrived yet dont reach out for it.
6. Holding in emotions. Its misunderstood. Stoics laugh. We just dont laugh at everything and anything. We also dont hold in sadness. Consider this. Consider a father who strikes you. You are to yield to your father and put up with him. Nature doesn't determine whether you have a good father or bad father, only that you have a father. Keep your relationship with your father but consider the choice you have. In any relationship another person doesn't harm you unless you wish it, you are harmed at that point when you take yourself to be harmed. A negative encounter with a neighbor a relative doesn't become this sad repressed feeling. They are still the relative or the neighbor, neither good or bad. Stoics look at the situation and look to control themselves better in those situations to get a different outcome. You dont control what is in another person's nature. You focus on the capacity you have to deal with it. The external stuff doesn't matter. It's in the nature of things to be as they are. How you chose to act is what matters because that is within your control.

What is Stoicism? | Daily Stoic

The stoic philosophy is misrepresented in the mainstream media. Depressed men who dont show it. When in reality if they were stoic they probably wouldn't be depressed. Stoics dont say anything. We dont like comparing or judging external things. To a stoic a car is neither good or bad. We dont have empathy or we are narcissists. A stoic feels that wanting someone to live forever is foolish because it's not in its nature to live forever. Still offer condolences sincerely, however a stoic isnt going to be happy or sad. Nature is neither good or bad.