Infidelity in a relationship is commonly seen with people who have narcisissitic personality traits. The narcissist might be in a long-term relationship with a partner, but continues to cheat on that partner, despite being caught. Why would a narcissist cheat on their partner even after they have been caught?
There are many reasons why a narcissist cheats and in this blog I will go over 5 reasons why a narcissist cheats.
They lack empathy: Individuals who have narcissistic personality traits often lack empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and relate to another person’s emotional experiences. When someone lacks empathy, they cannot put themselves in someone else’s experiences and consider things from their perspective. When it comes to cheating, a narcissist is unable to consider how their actions will affect the person they are cheating on. This is more than just not caring. They are incapable of experiencing empathy. The narcissist lives in the moment and focuses on their own needs being met, without consideration or concern for someone else’s.
They have low self-esteem: While narcissists may present themselves as high-functioning and competent, this is all an act as a way to hide their low self-esteem. They need to feel superior and grandiose but lack the internal drive to behave in this way. They are unable to validate their own self-worth so they must seek it from somewhere else. This is achieved through the supply. The narcissist needs constant re-assurance that they are the superior person they believe they are. When their partner is not providing this re-assurance and re-supplying their depleting feelings of superiority, they will seek it from someone else. In that moment, they don’t consider, or even care, how their actions affect their partner. All they are focused on is getting their own needs met.
Devaluation: In addition to seeking supply in people outside of the relationship, the narcissist will also increase their low self-esteem by devaluing their partner. Devaluation is when the narcissist uses words and actions to target their partner and attack them to increase their own self-esteem. The devaluation helps the narcissist feel better about themselves as their feelings of grandiosity and superiority slip away. When a narcissist cheats and you find out about it, they don’t feel remorse and instead use this behavior as a way to devalue their partner.
Gaslighting: For the narcissist, cheating is about getting their own needs met, but also as a way to control their partner. This is why they don’t seem to care when they are caught. When caught, this allows them to use their control and manipulation tactics to pull you back in while boosting their own ego. Even if their partner has proof of the cheating and the narcissist is confronted with this proof, they may still deny it, furthering their use of gaslighting. Your reality becomes skewed and you don’t know what to believe anymore. It becomes a game for the narcissist where you are the pawn.
The rules don’t apply to them: Put simply, the narcissist lives in a world they have designed to boost their own egos. The rules don’t apply to them. Because of their low self-esteem and beliefs of superiority and grandiosity, they are always on the search to get their own needs met. Combine this with their lack of empathy and you have someone who plays by their own rules and doesn’t consider how they might affect others. When they are always looking out for themselves, they cannot take the perspective of another person.
When someone cheats on you it is natural to think about what you did that lead to their cheating, or what you could have done to stop the cheating. You must remember this has nothing to do with you. The decision to cheat was made by the cheater and is not something for you to take responsibility for. People cheat for many different reasons, but when a narcissist has done the cheating, the behavior is unlikely to change because how it has affected you is not a concern for them. Leaving a relationship is hard, but when you are in a relationship with a narcissist it is important to remember they are unlikely to change and the behavior will continue. Getting out of the relationship will bring a sense of stability back to your life and you can start to heal as you focus on yourself and your own needs.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.
