Narcissists will often seem obsessed with you even after you have discarded them or they have discarded you. In order to understand why Narcissists obsess over their victims, it’s important to understand why they are the way they are.
First of all, Narcissists have no inner sense of value. They derive all of their value from the external, through different forms of Narcissistic Supply. Narcissistic Supply is anything that might feed a Narcissist’s ego. It could be negative, it could be positive, or it could be neutral; As long as it feeds their ego, Narcissists will try to grasp onto it and never let go. A Narcissist’s quest for this supply is nearly always going to end up hurting others- especially if others are a threat to their source of supply.
Narcissism exists on a continuum. It’s important to keep in mind that all human beings want, on some level, to feel seen, heard, loved, and important. Narcissists just have an excessive need to fulfill these desires. All Narcissists also share a lack of empathy. This manifests itself by denying others’ of their needs and wants in order to fulfill their own. Losing supply for a Narcissist is like that of a tiger in the wild that hasn’t eaten in several days.
Narcissists attach themselves to people like leeches do, sucking as much supply from others’ as they can. Since they lack empathy, they never enter relationships so that they can give, be of service, or love. Although this is often happening subconsciously, they just don’t process the world in the same way as most.
When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you will experience three different phases of that relationship. There is the Love-Bombing phase, the Devaluing Phase, and the Discarding Phase. It’s important to note that a relationship will always start with the Love-Bombing Phase and always end with the Discarding phase; although, what makes up each of these phases will occur simultaneously throughout the relationship. You can think of the middle of the relationship as a sort of toxic stew, as described by one of my followers.
It’s quite common for Narcissists to try and Love-Bomb you while in the midst of the Discard phase. This is sometimes called Hoovering. They do this because their Narcissistic Supply source is being threatened and they can’t handle the thought of losing the supply forever – even if they are the ones to initiate the “ending” of the relationship. They will also often Devalue you in the midst of the Discard phase. They will tell you that they don’t want you anymore, that you’re a piece of crap or that nothing about you matters to them and never has. Even though the relationship is supposedly ending, they do this because devaluing is one of the ways they get Narcissistic Supply from you. They are squeezing the last few drops of supply that they think they can get. If they get this supply they may even try and love bomb you again to see if there’s even more in you.
When a Narcissist seems obsessed with you and will not leave you alone after the relationship has supposedly ended, they are still trying to get Narcissistic Supply from you. Whether it’s through Love-Bombing tactics or Devaluing tactics, if they feel like there’s any chance of being able to still affect, control, or get a rise out of you – they will try.
Let’s just say that they simply block you on social media. They do this not because they are worried about you seeing their content but because they actually want you to notice that they have done this. They want to know that you know they have done this and that you have some sort of emotion surrounding it. Narcissists will be as petty as that.
The best thing that you can do to get them to stop being so obsessed with you is to go no contact with them. In addition to going no-contact, you mustn’t give them any attention, information, or thought whatsoever. React to everything that they might do or say as if they are invisible and that they don’t exist and never have existed in your life. Once you do this, and after every effort has been taken on their end, they will inevitably give up and move on to a viable source of supply.
This is the only way that a Narcissist will finally and eventually stop being obsessed with you. They will finally have to move on and find a different source of supply.
