How To Really Listen To People | Jordan Peterson | Best Life Advice
A good listener is worth their weight in gold and one of the most important foundations in a relationship is for both partners to be good listeners. So whether you are already in a relationship and are looking for a good listener to use as a role model or if you are looking for the love of your life and one of your criteria is someone who is a good listener, it is always good to be able to recognize a good listener. So the following are ten signs of a good listener:
1. You Can Feel That The Listener Is Fully Present And In the Moment With You:
You can tell the difference between someone who is fully in the moment with you versus someone who has their mind on something else is when you are talking to the unfocused person you will get an urge to rush through what you are saying versus when you are with a person who is totally focused on you, you will feel at home and that you have all the time in the world to say what you have to say. With a person who is totally focused on you, you will almost feel like sighing because you feel so supported and because you feel like you are truly the centre of their attention.
2. The Listener Will Keep Eye Contact With You:
The listener will keep constant eye contact with you, only looking away on occasion to prevent staring or awkwardness.
3. The Listener Will Nod, Smile And Give You Auditory Feedback:
A good listener will nod, smile and give you auditory feedback such as “Mm hum”, “Yeah” “I see” or “No, really?” in a sincere and interested way to encourage you to continue and to indicate that they are listening.
4. he Listener Will Encourage You To Continue Talking:
As you are talking, they will encourage you to continue talking. For example they will say things like “That’s really interesting” or “I find that interesting, please continue “or “I’d like to hear more.”
5. The Listener Will Parrot Back What You Are Saying When Appropriate:
Every once in a while, a good listener will parrot back what you say to indicate they are paying attention and that they are right in your story with you.
6. The Listener Will Only Finish Your Sentence When Appropriate:
A good listener will only finish your sentence when the timing is right, not to try to rush you through your story or to help you out when you are at a loss of words, but to show that they are on the same wave length as you.
7. The Listener Goes By the 80% Listening, 20% Talking Rule:
A good listener knows that the art of being a good listener (whether that is because they just intuitively know or because they are actually aware of the rule) will listen approximately 80% of the time during the course of the conversation and spend only 20% of the conversation talking.
8. The Listener Will Keep The Conversation Focused on Your Topic of Discussion:
There is nothing more annoying than to open a conversation with someone and they change the topic on you in the middle of what you are trying to express. This often happens when the person gives you an example about themselves to show that they understand what you are saying but then they keep going with their example or take the opportunity while the attention is on themselves to switch topics. A good listener if they feel the need to use an example to back up what you were saying will keep it short and will return the conversation back to what you were talking about.
9. The Listener Will Ask You Thoughtful and Open-ended Questions About What You Are Talking About:
A good listener will ask you thoughtful questions that will lead you into opening up into further detail about your topic of discussion. For example, they may say something like, “So you work in the Marketing Department, tell me about some of the duties that you are in charge of or what specifically are in you charge of or what aspects of your job do you love?”
10. The Listener Knows How to Empathize With You:
When a good listener feeds back how you are feeling, their description of the feeling or emotion will actually match how you are feeling. If they are off, they are dedicated to finding out how you are truly feeling versus throwing out a bunch of descriptions of how you are feeling in hopes of eventually guessing the correct feeling or emotion.
If you recognize a good listener in your life, tell them you how much you appreciate them. If you are still looking for a good listener to come into your life, it is both worth the search and the wait, because not only will they create a wonderful communication foundation for your relationship, they will always make you feel special and supported in expressing yourself.
