Why do I feel angry at my boyfriend for no reason randomly?
Comment: I get mad and ignore him for hours and I never know why then I feel bad about it. It is uncontrollable sometimes, it doesn’t happen everyday just once in a while but I get so upset for no reason. I somehow convince myself I’m angry at him and I never know why. Am I mentally ill?
Mentally ill, no. Strong feelings are normal. You have strong feelings for your boyfriend. It would be odd if you had strong feelings for strangers that you have no reason to be angry at.
You have noticed the uncontrollable and no reason part of this. That is more than half way there and further than many people get.
For what is going on in your brain, I tend to think of thoughts as electrical and emotions as chemical. Usually it is a thought that changes emotion. Your reaction to having a thought is what triggers a glandular chemical dump that causes an emotional state.
The chemical bath that our brains swim in can also have odd settings that are not reactions to thoughts. Menstrual cycles and menopause can throw off the chemical balance and put one on an emotional roller coaster.
So what can you do? You can do something about reactions to thoughts but not much about natural imbalances. The exception is if you have a natural chemical imbalance that can be treated by a professional evaluation, diagnosis, and prescription. Some women find some stability from the emotional roller coaster, or a little more chemical control, by getting on birth control pill regimen.
Also, it could be you have good reason to be angry but just haven’t figured out what the reason is yet. If he never, oh what are the usual domestic issues, does dishes or cleans the toilet, maybe that is the reason. I mean, if he pisses on the toilet and never cleans it that might be a reason.
So let’s say you do have a reason to be angry. Would you also say that it is possible that you are overreacting? An interesting thing about petty resentments is that unexpressed they can add up to become major resentments. Expressing small resentments, in addition to venting value, also communicates to others what they can do to keep from pissing you off.
I think the key to your current issue is vocalizing and expressing what is pissing you off. It doesn’t matter how small or petty the reason. They add up. You will also get feedback from whoever you talk to about how reasonable the resentment is and if you may be overreacting. So talk to boyfriend if you can. If not, talk to someone. Glad you are talking to us. Some of the other answers look helpful too.
We tend to associate our anger with the person or event that's immediately in front of us when we feel the anger. Makes sense right?
Unfortunately, anger can be totally unrelated or only loosely related to the thing that you are looking at when your feel the anger.
If you spend a lot of time with your boyfriend, he might just be a person who happens to be in sight when your anger arises for totally unrelated reasons.
See if you can consciously edit your question. Instead of why do I feel angry at my boyfriend? Ask, why am I feeling angry for no reason?
You may discover that he's not relevant to your anger at all. And you may find that there is a real reason for your anger. You just haven't found it yet.
Some people feel comfortable being angry only when they are with someone who helps them feel safe. If you feel safe with your boyfriend, you might be waiting for him so that you can feel and express your anger.
Talk to him about this. Tell him that you aren't going to blame him for your anger anymore. Also tell him that you are curious about what this anger is actually about. Then, start a practice of journaling about your anger. You might start recognizing patterns in your frustration.
