HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX INSTANTLY | NO HOPE THEORY | BREAKUP PSYCHOLOGY
How do you keep your ex away?
Breaking up is always traumatic. Men and women have different ways to respond to their breakup. If you're the one to call it off, chances are that your ex-boyfriend will make plenty of efforts to get in touch with you. The reason could be anything from harassing you or begging you to come back. But, if you are sure of your decision, you will not want him to contact you in any way.
If you've called it a day with your boyfriend, you must be looking for ways on how to avoid an ex boyfriend. Is he pressuring you anyway to stay in contact? Does he keep bugging you with useless messages on your social profiles? If you want to stop the ex from getting in touch with you, follow the below given tips to avoid him successfully:
Return Your Ex's Possessions
The first step to avoid your ex-boyfriend is to return all his gifts, cards and everything he has ever given to you during your relationship. This is ensure that he doesn't get any reason to get in contact with you. Some guys make this a very good reason to maintain the touch. The possessions are not just limited to gifts, but also things like jackets, handkerchief, shoes or anything that you have kept of him with you. Returning items will ensure it is easier to go for a very clean sweep. Then, in addition to this, this will also prevent all kinds of awkward happenings in future, especially when he will ask for his things back. To avoid future hassles, it is important to take this step today!
Remove Him From All Social Networking Lists
Do you think being in touch on social networks is a good idea? A lot of girls think that social network sites are a good and safe way to be in touch, without being in "touch." Reality is that any mode of communication, be it offline or online, can prove to be the starting point of irritations and frustrations, if you don’t want to be contacted by him at all.
How to Get Over a Breakup
Technically, it doesn't make any sense to keep your ex in any of your social site when you're no longer in relationship with him. If you keep him, then there would be a chance of interaction. Unless you decide to stay friends with him, remove him from all your social networking profiles. Best is to block him from everywhere. This will prevent him to make any kind of contact with you and he will avoid messaging you. Since this will make his ego hurt, he’ll avoid making the first move. Removing your ex-boyfriend from your networking lists will also remove your temptation to check-up on his profiles to know what he is doing in life.
Take a Very Firm Stand
If you're the one to initiate the breakup with your ex, he may still be wanting to talk to you or harbor secret feelings and hoping to come back together. It won’t be good to give him fake hopes of getting together, if you’ve made up your mind to call it off permanently. Tell him firmly about your intentions. Make your stance clear when you breakup so he knows his waiting will not do any good to him.
A friendly call or short messages can send out mixed signals, making him more vulnerable and resistant to accept the reality. Squash these hopes before your ex starts getting the wrong idea. Mixed signals will make his urge to talk to you more strong and that will eventually affect your peace of mind. If possible, change your cell phone number or ignore the messages until your ex-boyfriend gets it very clear that you don't want him to contact you anymore.
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Even if cheating was involved, breakup is not easy for anyone, and even if you're the one to initiate it, its going to be a tough time for everyone involved. You need time to get over your past, and if you're certain of your decision, it's important to take right steps at the right time.
Begin by returning his possessions, block him from all means of communication, change your cell phone number and ask your friends to not forward his call to you. Try all these methods and you are sure to get over your ex-boyfriend in a short possible time. Yes, it is possible and easily doable.
Breakups and the emotions they bring up are complicated. Relief, confusion, heartbreak, grief — all of these are perfectly normal reactions to the end of a relationship. Even if things end in healthy and productive way, you’ll probably still be left with some uncomfortable feelings.
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These tips can help you begin the process of picking up the pieces and moving forward. Just remember, you will get through it, regardless of how hard things feel right now.
Establishing boundaries
It’s sometimes easy to avoid crossing paths with an ex-partner after a breakup. But if you live in a small town or know a lot of the same people, you might have a harder time completely separating your lives.
Setting clear boundaries for future contact can help make the breakup easier for you both.
Take some time apart
Even if you both know you want to maintain a friendship, a little space for some time won’t hurt. Taking a break from texting and hanging out can help you both start healing.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Katherine Parker suggests waiting between 1 and 3 months before getting back in touch with your ex if that’s something you’re interested in.
This gives you time to focus on yourself, she says. It can also help you avoid falling into a harmful pattern of offering emotional support to your ex-partner and prolonging the breakup.
Respect each other’s needs
If you want to stay friends but your ex doesn’t want any contact, you need to respect that. Don’t call, text, or ask their friends to talk to them for you.
You might miss them dearly, but not respecting their boundaries will likely hurt any future chance of friendship.
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Alternately, if your ex contacts you, especially before you’re ready to talk, don’t feel obligated to respond. This can be difficult, especially if they seem vulnerable or express feelings similar to your own. Remind yourself that you both need time and space to deal with those difficult emotions and wait until the no-contact period has passed.
Maintain some physical and emotional distance
If you want to try the friendship thing after some time apart, keep an eye out for old patters and behaviors. Maybe you lean your head on their shoulder while watching a movie or they come to you for help during a crisis.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with these behaviors, but they can lead to a lot of confusion and further heartbreak. If you and your ex want to maintain a friendship, you have to act like friends.
‘Just friends’ guidelines
Keeping some distance means not doing anything you wouldn’t typically do with a friend, such as:
cuddling or other close contact
spending the night together in the same bed
treating each other to expensive meals
providing consistent emotional or financial support
Halting any behavior that makes you think, “It seems like we never broke up,” is probably for the best.
How to move on?
Discuss how you’ll handle encounters
Sometimes, there’s just no avoiding an ex. Maybe you work together, attend the same college classes, or have all of the same friends. In these cases, it’s good to have a conversation about what you’ll do when you inevitable see each other.
Aim to keep things polite, even if you had a nasty breakup. Just remember that you can’t control someone else’s behavior. If they can’t abide by the agreement and act up, try to take the high road by not engaging them.
If you work together, do everything you can to maintain a professional relationship. Keep conversation civil and try to avoid talking to coworkers about what happened. Gossip spreads easily, and even a few basic facts can change wildly from person to person.
Not sure what to say? Try something like, “We decided to stop seeing each other, but we’re committed to maintaining a good working relationship.”
Taking care of yourself
Once you’ve got your boundaries in order, it’s time to turn your attention to your relationship with yourself.
Prioritize self-care
Parker recommends creating a daily self-care routine.
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Each day, do something that:
brings you joy (see friends, have a new experience, spend time on your favorite hobby)
nurtures you (exercise, meditate, cook a satisfying but healthful meal)
helps you process your feelings (make art or music, journal, talk to a therapist or other support person)
Try to get enough sleep, but avoid sleeping too much. This can interfere with your responsibilities and make you feel groggy and unwell.
And then, of course, there’s comfort food, Netflix binges, and a bottle of wine. It’s fine to indulge occasionally while you recover, but keep an eye on things so they don’t become regular habits that are hard to break down the road. Consider saving these things for special times with friends or giving yourself one night a week to cut loose.
Do things you enjoy
After a breakup, you might find yourself with more free time than you’re used to. Try to use this time in positive ways.
Maybe during the relationship you spent less time reading and have a stack of unread books waiting by your bed. Or perhaps you’ve always wanted to try gardening or knitting. You could even begin learning a new language or make plans for a solo trip.
Finding things to do (and doing them) can help distract you from post-breakup grief.
Express your feelings…
It’s common to experience a lot of emotions after a breakup, including:
Getting Over A Breakup Unfiltered
anger
sadness
grief
confusion
loneliness
It can help to acknowledge these feelings. Write them down, illustrate them, or talk to your loved ones. Movies, music, and books involving people going through similar situations can reflect your experience, so these might offer some comfort.
…but avoid wallowing in them
Try not to get stuck in a cycle of negative emotions, since it generally doesn’t help to ruminate on feelings of grief and loss. If you can’t stop thinking about your ex, try a “reset” by getting out of the house, visiting a friend, or putting on music and doing some deep cleaning.
Take a break from sad or romantic dramas and love songs. Instead, try comedic or uplifting shows, upbeat music, and lighthearted novels without romance. These can help distract you from negative emotions.
Other quick ways to help improve a gloomy mood:
Open your curtains for natural light.
Get some sun.
Luxuriate in a shower or bath with your favorite products.
Burn a candle with a fresh or citrus scent.
Tell your story
Parker suggests writing out a short narrative about your breakup. Just a sentence or two is fine. For example, “I need time and space to reconnect with myself and my needs before I can be in a relationship with someone.” Another option might be, “Breaking up is a process, and nothing is clear right away.”
Keep this somewhere visible, like your bathroom mirror or fridge, and focus on that when you feel like you miss your ex and want to reach out, she says.
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Dealing with social media
Another unexpected aspect of breaking up: social media. It’s not always easy to know how to set boundaries around digital involvement, but here are some general post-breakup dos and don’ts.
Do avoid using social media as much as possible
“Social media creates an environment for stalking and unhealthy fixation, along with opportunities for passive-aggressive bullying,” Parker says.
Taking some time away from social media can be helpful after a breakup. This ensures you don’t end up souring your mood by coming across photos of your ex or photos of seemingly picture-perfect couples.
If you do use social media after your breakup, Parker recommends using it only to connect with and gain support from friends and family. For example, you might consider temporarily deleting the Facebook app from your phone and using Messenger to chat.
Don’t post about the breakup
You don’t need to publicly share that your relationship has ended, because chances are, the people who need to know already do know. “Social media isn’t the place to air your feelings or frustrations toward an ex-partner,” Parker says.
You might want to share the truth if your ex lied to you, cheated, or otherwise wronged you, but save your frustration for private messages with people you trust.
Don’t change your relationship status right away
If you and your ex-partner used the “In a Relationship” status on Facebook, it might seem logical (and honest) to change your status to “Single” once the relationship is over.
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A better option is to hide the status from your profile (or set it so only you can see it). If you take a break from social media, for example, you can hide it until you return. People may be less likely to notice the change after time has passed.
If they do notice, your breakup will be old news, so it won’t matter as much. Waiting to change your status will also reduce the chances your ex-partner will feel hurt by the change.
Do unfollow your ex
You don’t need necessarily need to unfriend an ex if:
the relationship ended on good terms
you want to stay friends
you have other social connections
But most social media apps now let you mute or hide people without having to unfollow them. This keeps you from seeing content they share. If you don’t want to see your ex-partner in other people’s posts, it can also help to unfollow people they’re closely connected to, including close friends and family members.
On Facebook, you can use privacy settings to put people on a restricted list, which prevents them from seeing anything that isn’t publicly shared. This may help, but if the relationship was abusive, it’s best to block them entirely so they can’t view any of your information or updates.
Don’t check out your ex’s page
You may feel tempted, especially if you’ve seen them around town with someone new. Maybe you want to know if they feel as awful as you do, or maybe you’re looking for that vague status update you just know they wanted you to see.
But ask yourself, “What will looking at their page accomplish?” Probably nothing healthy, so it’s best to resist the urge.
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If you’ve been living together
Breaking up with a live-in partner bring about a separate set of challenges.
Revamp your space
After your partner moves out, your house or apartment may feel totally different. Your space might feel lonely. It might not feel like “home” anymore. You might want to pack up and move to a place without so many painful memories.
If you shared a place and your ex moved out, your home might feel lonely or full of painful memories. Of course, moving into a new place can help, but that’s not always financially feasible. Instead, focus on refreshing your surroundings.
Do a ‘mini remodel’
move furniture around
get new mugs or dishes
invest in some new bedding
try to get rid of one piece of furniture that you can easily replace
get rid of the blanket you always cuddled under and replace it with throws in different textures and colors
try a different color scheme in your living room or bedroom.
paint your table and chairs.
change rugs, throw pillows, cushions, and blankets
Box up mementos
It can help to pack up significant reminders of the relationship, including gifts, photographs, or things you bought together. You don’t have to throw these things away. Just set the box aside where you won’t see it all the time. Down the road, you can take another look and decide what you want to keep.
Gather their belongings
If your partner left things behind, a respectful option is to box them up until any no-contact period has passed. Then, send a polite message letting them know you still have their belongings. Donate anything they intentionally left or said they didn’t want.
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If you have a lot of mutual friends
Mutual friends will probably want to know what happened after a breakup. It’s generally best to avoid getting into the details. They might get two very different stories, and gossip can become a problem in some situations.
If friends have heard an untrue version of what happened, you might want to share the truth. Try to avoid an emotionally charged response and offer the facts calmly, without saying anything negative about your ex-partner.
Keep in mind some friends may take sides. You can’t avoid this or force anyone to maintain the friendship. But you can avoid playing into gossip and drama by resisting the urge to say negative things about your ex.
Finally, it’s generally best to avoid asking friends for news of your ex-partner.
If you’re in a polyamorous relationship
When working through a poly breakup, it’s important to consider how breaking up with one partner can affect your other relationships.
Be open about your emotions
Following a breakup with one partner, you might find yourself drawing closer, both physically and emotionally, to your other partners.
On the other hand, you might feel:
hesitant about physical intimacy
vulnerable
less interested in your usual activities
Your feelings and emotions are all valid, and compassionate partners will understand you’re dealing with a difficult situation. They’ll most likely want to offer support however they can. Just keep in mind that they might experience some emotional fallout from your breakup, too.
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Keep them in the loop about what you’re feeling and try to communicate what you each need from each other during this transition.
Talk about next steps
As you adjust to having one less partner, you might want to talk with your current partners about:
ways your relationship might temporarily change (for example, you might have less interest in physical intimacy at the moment)
any new boundaries you (or they) want to set for your relationship
how to handle situations where you might see your ex-partner
Take the high road
Again, avoid talking badly about your ex. This is especially important if one of your partners still has a relationship with your ex.
The exception? If your ex was abusive or put you in danger, it might be wise to let other partners know.
It’s okay to ask for help
Breakups are often rough. Friends and family can offer support and help you feel less alone, but sometimes it’s just not enough.
Consider reaching out to a therapist, who can help you:
identify unhealthy coping methods and replace them with more positive ones
address and challenge persistent negative emotions
deal with the effects of manipulation or abuse
work on a plan for the future
If you’re wondering whether a breakup is a valid reason to get help, it definitely is. In fact, many therapists specialize in helping people work through breakup grief.
It’s especially important to reach out for help if you:
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feel depressed
have thoughts of hurting yourself or others
keep trying to contact your ex or think about contacting them often
Recovering from a breakup takes time — probably more than you’d like. But try to remember that things will get easier as time goes on. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need support.
How do I stop obsessing over my ex after a break up?
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Source: pxhere.com
Having a significant other is something most of us spend a large portion of our lives looking for. We try out different relationships to find the fit that will last forever. Unfortunately, however, this continual "trying on" of relationships comes with a cost - the cost of breakups. Difficult and painful, breakups mean loss, even if the fit wasn't right. That said, normally we expect the pain of a breakup to last for a few months and then for it to be done. This isn't always the case though. On occasion, you can find yourself still upset a year down the road, and when this happens you tend to be desperate to learn how to stop obsessing over an ex.
Luckily, there are some steps you can take that will help you do just this.
Step 1: Get Rid of the Reminders
Pack up anything that reminds you of your ex, and get rid of it. This includes all of the things they bought you and all of your pictures together (including pictures on social media), etc. You may find that you're having difficulty moving on because there are too many reminders around triggering thoughts of your ex.
Some of these items might be easy to throw out. Others, like books or clothes, can be donated to charity. However, some things might be harder to release. Maybe there is a photo of the two of you at your sister's wedding. Consider putting items like this in a box in the attic or the garage.
Getting rid of or packing away reminders from your old relationships will help keep you focused on the present and your future instead of dwelling on the past. Those old pictures and keepsakes will likely keep reviving a lot of painful emotions until they're out of sight. Now that your relationship is over, it is time to find ways to focus on your bright future.
Step 2: Write a List of All of the Reasons You Broke Up
Write a list of the reasons you broke up, and don't leave anything out. Why didn't the relationship work? What about them irritated you? Write down everything you can think of, and then read through it to remind yourself that you are better off without them. Additionally, keep this list, and read it as often as you need to.
Source: unsplash.com
When we start missing someone we cared about, we can get so focused on what we missed that we overlook the reasons why the relationship did not work in the first place. Remember that those issues are still there, and there is a difference between who we want the person to be (or even who they could be) and who they actually are. Keeping things in perspective can stop you from returning to a relationship that didn't work for you. Instead, you can focus on the kind of relationship you really want and deserve.
Step 3: Delete All of Their Contact Information
Delete their phone number, unfriend them on Facebook, unfollow them on Instagram and Snapchat, and remove their email from your contact list. In short, cut off all routes to communication. When you are tempted to get in touch -- and you absolutely will, we all do - this step will stop you before you make a mistake. Nothing will set you back faster than contacting your ex, so prevent this before it happens by permanently removing them the ability to contact them.
After a breakup, we all have emotional moments when it seems like contacting our ex will be a good idea. Yes, contacting your ex may temporarily relieve the difficult emotions you are feeling, but it will only make things harder. Cutting off all channels of communication can also keep your ex from contacting you. If your ex is having trouble moving on or is sending you mixed messages, eliminating those links will help both of you.
Source: unsplash.com
Step 4: Accept You Aren't Going to Forget Them
Part of moving forward is learning to accept the breakup. While you will stop hurting, you probably won't forget your ex. That's okay. After all, your ex is part of your past, and the past helped shape the present you. Accepting this can help you close the door on the relationship.
Most people will only be a part of our lives for a season, but just because relationships come and go, it doesn't mean the relationship wasn't valuable. Even if a romantic relationship ends badly, it can still have a positive impact on you. After a failed relationship, it can be so easy to forget what you lost that you also forget what you've gained.
Now that the relationship is over, a new door has been opened, so you can have a happier relationship in your future. You have learned about yourself and about your wants and needs. Chances are this experience will help you discover strength and resiliency that you didn't know you had.
Step 5: Seek Professional Help
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to admit you need help. Admitting you're in pain and can't move forward on your own -- even after you've completed the above steps -- allows you to receive the help you need. Therefore, consider finding a licensed or certified professional to help you process your feelings and guide you to successfully getting over your ex.
Losing such a significant relationship is a grief process. Letting go of all of the goals, dreams, and plans you had for the relationship can be challenging and painful. Some may find they need support in healing from the hurt and disappointment.
Breakups can also impact the way we see ourselves. Some find that a failed relationship may aggravate or lead to insecurities about themselves. Losing the hopes and dreams that you had for a past relationship may leave others feeling hopeless or discouraged about having a happy and healthy relationship in the future. A qualified therapist can help with all of these concerns.
Seeking Help
If moving on from a difficult break up continues to be a challenge for you, talking with a therapist can help. Sometimes the grief we feel after the loss of a romantic relationship decrease fairly quickly; at other times you may need additional support. If a breakup leads to anxiety, depression, or feelings of hopelessness, this is a clear sign that a therapist can help.
BetterHelp is a convenient and affordable way to work with a licensed counselor online. If getting past the loss of a relationship is still hard for you, talking about it can help. When it comes down to it, getting over your ex can be unpleasant and difficult. However, if you put in the effort to move on, these feelings of hurt and loss will inevitably get better. It's simply a matter of time. Read on to hear from people experiencing similar issues, who found support with BetterHelp counselors.
Counselor Reviews
"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."
"I've never been to therapy and so was really hesitant about opening up at first. But Whitney has just been so great! I signed up for BetterHelp because I was going through a breakup with problems I knew stemmed from problems with myself. I knew I felt unhappy in my relationship but could not for certain say why. Therapy with Whitney has been so great in helping me become more self aware and reflective. And, of course, the break up was hard at first. But every day, with Whitney, I was able to feel a little bit better than the day before."
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do I stop obsessing over my ex?
You want to move on from your ex, yet your mind has other plans. Your ex takes over your mind. You always have obsessive thoughts about your ex. You may have an obsessive thought about them every day, or your obsessive thinking does not seem to stop. These obsessive thoughts are like quicksand, where the more you want to stop thinking about it, the more your obsession takes over your mind.
So how can you stop obsessing over your ex when you can't stop thinking about them? Here's how.
- Set up a no contact rule. Block them on social media and delete them from your contact information. This method can sound a little much for some, but if you're always looking at old text messages or stalking them on social media, the no contact rule can help. Delete your text messages if you have to.
- Mindfulness is a technique that can put you in the present and eliminate any self-defeating thoughts you may have. Through breathing techniques, body scans, and learning to live in the moment, you can stop thinking about your past as much. Read a book on mindfulness to help get you started.
- Besides that, a therapist can help. It's difficult to "Stop thinking" about your partner, but through cognitive behavioral therapy, you can move past that. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps you to identify any habits or thoughts that can lead to your self-destructive behaviors and thoughts.
- Do activities you enjoy alone. Don't be afraid to start a new hobby. If you decide to do activities, make sure you're doing them with good friends or family members.
- Figure out your triggers. Certain places, thoughts, or media can remind you of your ex. Make sure you avoid any triggers, if ever possible.
What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about your ex?
If you're unable to stop obsessing over your ex, you may wonder why that is. Often, this is because you still have feelings for your ex, even if they were the one who broke up or your relationship was toxic.
Sometimes, it's not necessarily about your ex. You may be having these feelings due to something else, such as nostalgia. You may love the person you used to be, or love them for who they were.
Other times, you have a personality that makes you obsessed.
If you do want your ex back, and the feeling is mutual, then perhaps it's time to get back together. Otherwise, you may want to seek a therapist to help you stop obsessing over your ex.
How do you stop obsessing over someone who hurt you?
Our mind can sometimes be mean to us. We want to stop obsessing over someone who wasn't good for us, but our mind keeps thinking about them. So how can you stop obsessing over the person who hurt you?
- First, figure out why you're still obsessed with your ex. Are you obsessed with the person who hurt you, or are you obsessed with the person they used to be? If you're obsessed with their past self, realize that this self is not coming back. Instead, you must look to the future.
- Don't answer any of their messages or give into stalking their profile. Delete them from all forms of social media and take a break.
- Be mindful of your thoughts. When do you find yourself obsessing over your ex the most? What do you think you can do to avoid that?
- Speak with a counselor or a therapist about your obsessions. Moving on from a toxic person who you're obsessed with is a challenge, but a counselor or a therapist can help.
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How long does it take to stop thinking about an ex?
There is no magic time for you to stop thinking about your ex and move on. Some people stop thinking about their ex right away. Others, it can take a month. There are some who are still not over their ex years later.
On average, it may take a little over a month, but it all depends. The longer you're in a relationship, the longer it may take for you to get over it.
If you feel like you're not over it yet despite the time passing, it's important for you to talk to a therapist about it. Techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness can help you with that.
Is my ex thinking about me during no contact?
During no contact, there's a good chance that your ex is still thinking about you. They may not be, but if they still have any feelings, there's a chance that they are still thinking about you.
Don't use this as a reason for reaching out. Instead, stick to the no contact rule.
Is it normal to still think about your ex after 2 years?
You may still think about your ex from time to time, even after a few years. Certain sights or memories can trigger thoughts about your ex. Feeling a little upset about those thoughts is normal, too.
However, if you're still obsessed with your ex almost two years later, then you may need to seek help. Being depressed over a breakup two years later could be a sign of something worse. Perhaps talk to a counselor or therapist and see how they can help you.
How do you know if your ex is thinking about you?
You obviously can't read someone's mind, but there are a few ways you can assure that your ex is thinking about you. If your ex is talking about you to your friends or family, for example, they're clearly thinking about you. The more they try to contact you or your friends, the higher a chance they can't get you out of your mind.
If you have to talk to your ex, pay attention to their behavior. If they seem nervous or distant, they may still be thinking about you.
If you are wanting your ex back, perhaps send them a message. If you don't want your ex back, continue to give them space.
How do you know your ex is over you?
After you break up, your ex can still have an obsession over you or have you on their mind. With time, the ex learns to move on. Here's how you can know if an ex is over you:
- They don't call or text you anymore. When they do, it's clear that it's as friends and not an awkward attempt to reconnect.
- Your ex is no longer talking about you to mutuals. If they do, it's just to ask how you're doing and nothing more.
- Your ex is in a relationship, and it's clearly not a rebound. Their partner isn't a clone of you, and they've been together for a long time.
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How do you know if your ex is still in love with you?
When you break up with someone, it's always possible that they're still in love with you. Many exes don't move on at first, and here are a few ways you can know if an ex still loves you.
- They still have photos of you two on your social media, and they're people who are active on it. This especially applies if they have yet to change their main profile pic.
- Your ex still talks about you to any mutuals. For instance, your friend may say that your ex keeps talking positively about you. This is a clear way to tell that your ex is still in love with you.
- They'll always check up on you and ask if you're okay. This is a sign they care about you deeply.
If you're still in love with them, this may be an excuse for you two to get back together. However, if you don't want the relationship to be a thing, perhaps you should give this person some distance.
How do you get someone out of your mind?
At times, we wish our brain was like a hard drive, where we could choose our memories and erase them if we so wished. However, life doesn't work that way. Some people we want to forget about, but our mind doesn't forget.
If you want to get someone out of your mind, here are a few ways to do so.
- Find a distraction. Watch a good movie, read a book, go outside, or do something else to occupy your time.
- Practice meditation. Learn how to clear your mind of any invasive thoughts.
- Mindfulness helps too. This allows your mind to be in the present whenever possible.
- If you find yourself thinking about them, see if there are any triggers. Did you go to a place that reminded you of them? Did you think of something else related to them? Knowing your triggers may help you with getting them out of your mind.
- Talk to a therapist. Often, we can't stop thinking about someone, and a therapist can help us forget. Through cognitive behavioral therapy and other techniques, a therapist may be able to help you. See if they can, and clear your mind.
What is a symptom of obsessive love disorder?
Obsessive love disorder usually involves someone who is falling in love with another person, usually instantly, and whose mind is always preoccupied with them. Someone who has obsessive love disorder may have low self-esteem and instead put this person on a pedestal, always texting them, being near them, and unable to function without them. Someone with obsessive love disorder can have a toxic, controlling relationship.
If you have obsessive love disorder, you may want to see a therapist about it. It's something that may ruin your life if you let it enable you.
How to handle breadcrumbing @Susan Winter
Can someone feel you thinking about them?
Many people can swear that they know if someone is thinking about them. Different sensations on their bodies, to them, can confirm this. Sneezing, hiccupping, a tingling sensation, the list goes on. You can find plenty of psychic and spiritual resources telling you how to know if someone is thinking about you?
However, from a scientific standpoint, no one can truly know what someone is thinking. Usually, we look to one's actions to determine whether or not they're thinking about you. For instance, if that person keeps texting you or gives you gifts, you're usually on their mind.
What to do when you start thinking about your ex?
When you start to think about your ex, and you don't want anything to do with them, you should get them off your mind as soon as possible. This can be a challenge, as you normally can't control your thoughts. Here are some ways to help.
- Do something you enjoy to help you get your mind off your ex. Work out, start a hobby, hang out with friends, or do anything else that's good for you.
- Practice meditation and mindfulness. These methods can help you live in the present and allow you to think about your ex a whole lot less.
- Avoid talking to them or lurking on their Facebook. Instead, shut off all devices if the temptation is a little too much.
- Seek help. A therapist may be able to help you by teaching cognitive behavioral therapy. This can help you identify behaviors and thoughts that can lead to self-destructive actions, such as talking to your ex when you know they're not good for you.
Do exes miss you?
Most exes miss their significant others, even if they initiated the breakup. This especially applies if the two of you were together for a long time. Even though the relationship didn't work out, the ex may miss the memories you've had together, or they may just miss being in a relationship. Sometimes, missing someone can lead to reconnection, but other times, it's just a challenge someone has to take when they move on.
What are the stages of a breakup?
Just like grief, going through a breakup can involve stages of emotion. If you look up the stages, you'll notice a few articles throwing around a certain number. For the sake of simplicity, the stages of grief can apply to the breakup.
We all know DABDA. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These can apply to a relationship. Let's explain.
Denial
When someone tells you the relationship is over, you may deny this. They have to be joking, right? They must be kidding, or they're just angry. When emotions are high, some people will declare the relationship to be over, but they're just blowing off steam, and you may think that applies despite you knowing that deep down, the relationship is over.
What is "breadcrumbing"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
Anger
Your emotions are high, so you may be angry at your ex for breaking up with you. However, that anger could be directed at yourself as well, especially if you believe that something you've done has led to the breakup.
Bargaining
You may find yourself texting your ex, asking them to give you another chance. Though, not all forms of bargaining come in the form of getting on your knees and begging. Some people bargain by asking their ex how they're doing and attempting to get back in their good graces slowly.
Depression
You're starting to realize that it's over, and you're crying. Perhaps you're listening to some sad music, or you're drinking at the bar. (With that said, remember not to abuse drugs when you're dealing with depression.) You don't want to do anything other than cry or be alone.
Acceptance
While it may still hurt, you know that it's over, and there's nothing you can do about it. You must move on, whether that means you try looking for another relationship, or just enjoy your life on your own terms.
Just like the stages of grief, these stages can vary greatly, and not everyone will experience these stages in order, or at all.
How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact?
There is no magic number. For some people, their exes start missing them the second they initiate no contact. For others, it can take a few days, weeks, or even months. Sometimes, it may not end up at all.
However, no contact is good for the breakup, because not only can it help to get your ex to return to you if your relationship was meant to be, but not contacting your ex is good for your mental health in the long run.
Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
If you were dumped, you might consider implementing the no-contact rule. Most people who are dumped try messaging their ex to reason with them or hope to get them back. However, by deciding to ignore them and not talk to them at all, the no contact rule can work in quite a few ways, such as:
- You're putting the power back in your own hands. Instead of your ex putting the ball in your hands, you're simply throwing the ball back. This means that it's up to your ex to contact you.
- You can give yourself some much-needed space when you don't contact someone. When you try to contact your ex or are stalking their social media, it puts a lot of stress on you. Meanwhile, if you don't contact your ex, it can help you to move on.
- Of course, a no-contact rule only works if you are enforcing it. Make sure that you don't initiate any contact. Use mindfulness to stay in the present and don't let yourself message your ex without thinking.
What does the dumper think during no contact?
When you initiate no contact with a dumper, the dumper may not care, but some do. This is because you are taking the power back. You are showing the dumper that you don't care that they dumped you. Some dumpers may be annoyed and try to get you back.
Either way, if you want to stick to your no contact rule, stick to it. Don't even tell the dumper that you're not interested.
What is "intimacy avoidance"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
Do dumpers come back?
Even though they're the one who dumped you, some dumpers do come back eventually. There are different reasons as to why this can happen. If the person who dumped you did it amicably, or if there was a reason beyond their control, they may return to you in the future. Other times, they regret dumping you and will come crawling back.
Some dumpers may pretend they don't miss you, but they may show they do by texting you constantly or trying to make you jealous.
Do all exes eventually come back?
While many believe that when a relationship is over, it's over, there are quite a few exes who do return to their relationship. Sometimes, it's a temporary relapse, and the relationship will end again. However, this isn't the case with every relationship, and some reconnections last a lifetime.
With that said, a good chunk of exes will not come back. If they've blocked you on all social media and have appeared to move on, there's a chance they won't come back. If your ex is always checking up on you and appears to still love you, there's a chance the two of you will reunite.
Why is my ex still single?
If your ex is still single, you may wonder why that is. There are many reasons why this could be the case, but the most likely is that they feel like they aren't ready for another relationship. Alternatively, they are enjoying the single life.
If you and your ex ended the relationship amicably, then perhaps your ex wants to date you again. If you want to, consider reconnecting at some point. If you don't, then give your ex some space until it's time for you to move on.
What does it mean if you can't stop thinking about your ex?
It is not uncommon to have thoughts about an ex after a breakup. If the relationship was long-term or if your ex was a significant part of your life, it can be difficult to move on after the relationship ends. Other things that may make it difficult to find ways to stop thinking of them is if your ex was once your best friend. For many people the desire to have a perfect relationship with a soul mate makes the idea of breaking up and moving on unthinkable. Having occasional thoughts or feelings about your ex is not uncommon after a breakup. However, if you are having obsessive thoughts and feelings, this may be a sign that you need help addressing your thoughts and feelings so that you can move forward with your life.
Why am I still obsessed with my ex?
Obsessive thoughts and feelings are not something that someone purposefully has. If your previous partner, ex-husband or ex-wife is the one you thought who your one true love would be, it can be hard to let go. If you are experiencing obsessive thoughts about your ex, it may be a good idea to consider seeking professional help, such as talking to a therapist or other mental health professional. It can be scary to think of moving on in your life without someone you care deeply for. However, if you can muster up the strength and courage to reach out for help and to give yourself permission to heal, you may find peace of mind free of obsessive thinking.
How do I stop thinking about my toxic ex?
If you are still thinking about your toxic ex, the first thing you need to do is to evaluate your activities and any ways that you are keeping the ex’s memory present in your life. For example, if you still have your ex’s picture as the screensaver on your cell phone or computer, delete it. In fact, it is important to remove any reminders of your ex and find new ways to occupy your time. Consider joining a support group or a local singles group in your area.
How to Spot the 7 Traits of Avoidant Personality Disorder
Why does my toxic ex keep coming back?
The key word in this question is “toxic.” Toxic relationships tend to have a rubber band effect. They can stretch you to unimaginable limits and then, just when you think it can't get worse, the rubber band (relationship) breaks. A toxic ex may come back to you because they are experiencing obsessive thoughts about you. If you have come to a place in your life where you have found a new lover or are trying to build a long-term relationship with someone new, a toxic ex may attempt efforts to sabotage your new relationship, making it harder for you to move on.
Why do I miss my ex so much?
You could be missing your ex for any number of reasons. If you were in a long-term relationship, it may take you longer to stop missing them or wondering what is going on their life. It is normal to think about an ex from time to time. In fact, being able to reminisce about the good times without having a breakdown is a good indication that you are handling the breakup well. However, if you are experiencing obsessive thoughts and can’t seem to find effective ways to stop thinking of your ex, you may be experiencing obsessive love disorder that is directed toward your ex.
Red flags that may indicate obsessive love disorder include having obsessive fantasies about your ex, spending significant amounts of time seeking to find where your ex is or constantly looking at pictures of them or having physical or emotional symptoms of distress if you are not able to know what is going on with them. If you are experiencing any of these signs, it is important to talk to a counselor or mental health professional. A counselor can help you get to the root of your obsessive feelings and teach you ways to effectively communicate and how to form healthy attachments with others.
How do you truly let go after a breakup?
Breakups suck.
I've had my fair share of breakups over the years and recently came out of something that left me in a vulnerable, emotional fog. Actually, it was more than a fog.
I was completely addicted; she had just blocked me from every communication channel we had once used. This included texting, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I crawled out of the bed we once shared like an addict withdrawing from hard drugs. In a way, she was my emotional drug dealer. Instead of being a shady scruffy character I’d meet in the dark, she would be the smiling, yoga pants wearing, person I’d meet on sunny weekends.
As terrible as I felt, there wasn’t much I could do besides try to understand the way I was feeling.
Feelings are a lot like drugs, but produced from our experiences instead of substances. These consist of neurotransmitters made up of dopamine and serotonin that result in our moods. A loss of any neurotransmitter depletes our brain chemistry levels and causes us to feel symptoms of depression, anxiety, anger, or manic.
Even though my situation felt like torture for the first week, I know others have been in the same boat for much longer. It’s a hard place to be, but time passes, and we will move on. I know I have moved on, and today I’m more emotionally intelligent from this experience.
The goal of this article is to support your adjustment. I'll cover the stages of breakup grief and the solutions that will decrease your symptoms. I’m going to clear the air of any emotional fog. I can’t promise the tears and sad feelings will end, but utilizing ideas in this article will decrease those emotions and have you smiling like a kid eating ice cream.
For many years, the five stages of grief were a widely discussed paradigm in discussing death and dying. Although psychologists no longer believe that this is a clear trajectory for most people, it is still a useful framework for thinking about loss, including the loss of a romantic relationship. According to the famous Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, there’s a process:
2 Unexpected Ways to Heal Self Sabotage | MedCircle
1. Denial
You’re in disbelief and hope to get that person’s attention. You may even obsess and check your phone hoping they text or call you like they once did. You may think: “This can’t be real. I have to see her. Why hasn’t she texted me back? She’s not serious. I know she’s playing around. She’ll come back to me.”
2. Anger
You feel frustrated that this has happened, and may even blame yourself or the other person for causing such anger. “Why me? This isn’t fair!”
3. Bargaining
You start coming up with ways to get them back and wonder what you can change. “I’ll do anything to get her back. I’ll be the person she wants me to be. I’ll just buy her flowers, knock on her door, and beg her to take me back. Then she’ll see how much I care for her!”
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4. Depression
You feel sad without him or her. Everything reminds you of them and the memories you shared. Things that were once vibrant are now gray, and now you don’t enjoy anything. “I can’t deal with everything right now. I just want to see her.”
5. Acceptance
You embrace the experience and realize you will survive. You abandon efforts to contact the person who broke up with you. “I know I’ll be just fine without her. Until then I’m going to have fun and meet other people. Time to get that new haircut, join a gym, and buy that plane ticket.”
Some of us move through the five emotional stages faster than others, and it all depends on the length of the relationship, as well as how attached you were to the other person. If you were married for 25 years, then it may take months, or even years to officially move on. If you only dated for a few months, then you may get over that person within a few weeks.
Here are a few ways to accelerate the process and get to acceptance sooner rather than later:
Silence After A Breakup | Silence Is Key After A Breakup
Social support
As much as it sucks going back to a life without him or her, you need to return to that world. You need to spend time with your friends and family. They can support you by being present and by validating your emotions as you vent to them about your experience.
Fun activities
I recommend watching comedy or going back to the activities you once enjoyed. You may still have that person on your mind, but at least you can elevate your mood without them.
Date new people
I find dating new people to be the quickest way to forget and let go of someone. You may just want the person you confessed your love to, but dating new people shows you what other people have to offer. You may even find someone better than the person you once had.
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Use supplements
The worst thing you can do is drown your sorrows in alcohol and drugs like there is no tomorrow.
Even if you’re hungover the next day, you’ll still need to learn how to deal with the situation. Let’s be realistic, dealing with all these emotions with a hangover is going to be ten times worse.
I’m not a doctor, and you should consult yours, but I’ve found 5-HTP to be really useful. 5-HTP, naturally found in food, is a supplement that is a precursor to serotonin (aka the happy neurotransmitter). Science says that 5-HTP will promote a positive mood, and ease you out of your emotional fog.
Remove the person from your life
Addicts are triggered into relapsing by people, places, and things. Even thinking about their addiction can trigger them back into bad habits. In the game of break ups, you'll want to decrease any exposure you have to him or her. This means letting go of stalking their social media accounts and throwing away certain possessions they may have given you. Having fewer things attached to them will decrease painful memories.
Exercise
Running and lifting weights does more than help us look hotter than our ex. They stimulate endorphins which act as the body's natural stress relievers. I found myself taking all the negative emotions I felt from the situation and redirecting them into exercising.
Letting Go to Let Your Ex In
Psycho-education
The way we think about a situation causes us to feel and eventually act upon it. Becoming a licensed psychotherapist has taught me that the way we interpret a situation dictates whether we feel good or bad about it. Here are just a few ways to think through the situation.
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Reframe the situation
Look at all the positives of leaving that person. They may have been amazing in some way, but so are many other people in the world. What do you gain from no longer being with that person? This is a tricky one since you may be replaying all the things you miss about them in your head. I realized I had more time for my friends, myself, and I could spend more time working on my career.
Write a letter
If you were unable to get the closure you wanted (like me) you can try writing a letter sharing all the things you wanted to say in it. It may have been their issues or yours that resulted in the breakup. What matters is that you express yourself, and once you are finished, either read the letter days later for solace, or discard it. Remember: DO NOT mail this emotional letter since you may open up wounds or seek attention they are not willing to give.
Magnify their issues
This one’s a bit harsh, but if you’re in an emotional fog, you need to downplay the positive traits you remember of him or her. You need to understand that they aren’t perfect. They had their issues, and in the end you may have dodged a bullet. You’ll never know, but the point is to cope through the loss of being around them.
Look at all the positives of leaving that person. They may have been amazing in some way, but so are many other people in the world. What do you gain from no longer being with that person? This is a tricky one since you may be replaying all the things you miss about them in your head. I realized I had more time for my friends, myself, and I could spend more time working on my career.
If you were unable to get the closure you wanted (like me) you can try writing a letter sharing all the things you wanted to say in it. It may have been their issues or yours that resulted in the breakup. What matters is that you express yourself, and once you are finished, either read the letter days later for solace, or discard it. Remember: DO NOT mail this emotional letter since you may open up wounds or seek attention they are not willing to give.
This one’s a bit harsh, but if you’re in an emotional fog, you need to downplay the positive traits you remember of him or her. You need to understand that they aren’t perfect. They had their issues, and in the end you may have dodged a bullet. You’ll never know, but the point is to cope through the loss of being around them.
Breakups are miserable, but only as much as we let them affect us. I could’ve spent days moping around my house like a sad lonely puppy, or I could get up and focus on something to take my mind off of the breakup. I chose to understand that she wasn't for me and I took my sorrows to the gym. I also sought supporting friends who turned on fog lights to clear the emotional fog. It helped.
Jordan Peterson - LET GO & MOVE ON | How To Overcome Break UPs and Betrayal
I encourage you to be hopeful in your situation. The time will pass. You will heal, and things will get better. As cliche as this sounds, you’ll look at this moment in a few months or even a year, and laugh knowing that the experiences sucked, but they taught you how to cope and make better decisions.
How do you find hope after a break up?
All the sweet messages, the flowers, dinner dates, the lengthy handwritten letters, inside jokes – everything; they’re all gone now and you’re feeling like a deer in the headlights with not a clue what to do. You just keep thinking it’s a bad dream and that tomorrow everything will go back to normal. You pray your hardest that he’ll come back and that things are going to be fine. But the truth is, things are going to be pretty difficult for awhile.
Less than two years ago, the most important and constant person in my life for two years chose to leave me. I was so devastated because I lost not only my boyfriend but my best friend, the person I trusted more than anyone in the entire world. I knew that I definitely hit rock bottom, but if any of you are going through the same thing, I promise that it’s not the end of the road. I pray that the few things I’ve learned in dealing with my own heartache below will be able to spark hope, help your heart heal, lift you higher, and help you let go of the hurt in due time. Here are some things you can do to help yourself cope and heal.
1. Give yourself time to grieve.
A friend of mine once described break-ups to be the “worst possible thing that can ever happen.” I thought it was exaggerated at the time, but you’ll actually find it to be accurate once you’ve experienced it. It’s really like all the butterflies died and you feel like you’re being stabbed over and over again and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I cried for about two weeks straight when my boyfriend broke up with me. I was confused and in denial. I felt like there was this hole inside of me that was never going to be filled again. I couldn’t believe that the person who once told me things like “I love you the most, forever and always” and “Don’t leave me. Don’t let the bad things drown out the good things” day in and day out, was now the same person telling me “What if I told you I didn’t love you as much as I used to anymore?”
No words will ever be enough to describe the pain that I felt. I felt weak and paralyzed. I could not eat properly and I had to result to sleeping pills to get some sleep. I’d cry myself to sleep and wake up still crying. Dreams would haunt me and every little thing seemed to remind me of him. If you somehow find yourself in the same situation, know that it’s okay to cry and feel the pain. It is inevitable and necessary. No one’s stopping you and it’s better to do so than repress, because you might end up exploding one day and the implications will be worse. Surround yourself with people who understand what you’re going through and pour your heart out all you want. Don’t rush things and let time pass. You’ll eventually get exhausted and run out of tears before you even realize it.
2. Let the emotions flow, but don’t let the breakup consume you.
One of my mistakes when I was grieving was that I let it consume me for a while when I shouldn’t have. I learned a couple of vices, I would do things that weren’t good for my physical health, and I could’ve done way better with my academics. I really felt bad about it after seeing what it did to me. It is okay to feel all the hurt, but you have to remember to pick yourself up every time. Don’t let it get the best of you. Try articulating your feelings in a nourishing way through writing or music. Some also say new hobbies and sports helped them channel their hurt better and get over it faster.
3. Stop blaming yourself.
It’s not your fault. No relationship is perfect and there’s no use dwelling over the things you could have or should have done to save it. If you fought until the very end to keep it alive, then you should be proud of yourself. You held your part of the bargain and you didn’t let go even when you had all the freedom to. Bear in mind that if the other person isn’t willing to compromise or work it out anymore then there’s no point in staying. One of the greatest things I learned from one of my best friends is that “Love is not a feeling but a choice.” The best test of love is even when you don’t feel like loving the person anymore you snap out of it and choose to love them because you treasure that person and you know how much that person treasures you. He could have chosen to love you but clearly, he just wasn’t as invested anymore and didn’t value you as much as you hoped he did. I know that you may feel like wallowing in self-pity because of getting left behind, but know that you will never have to live with the feeling of guilt or regret because of giving up too easily. Yes, it’s sad, especially when you think about all the promises and plans you made together, but maybe one day you’ll learn why the relationship didn’t work out and find that something better was in store for you all along.
4. Distance yourself from the source of hurt.
It’s probably best to cut all sorts of contact with him after the breakup. He is the source of hurt and you have to stay as far away from that as possible. Avoid texting him, calling him or even stalking him online. It’s better not knowing what he’s been up to because you might see him move on faster than you and it’ll just hurt seeing him get on with his life without you. It used to hurt me that my ex shut me out completely after we broke up, like I didn’t mean anything to him at all, but I realized that it’s fine because making any contact with him would only deepen the wounds I already have. He became a stranger. If you think that communicating will make things better, trust me, it won’t. He will never be able to comfort you the same way he did when you were still together and neither will he be able to satisfy you with answers to your unending questions.
Some people also think that you can stay friends after the break up – no; you can’t, at least not right now. It isn’t impossible but probably just not in the near future. Your relationship was damaged and the trust was broken the moment he chose to abandon you, and both of you need to heal before you can give even friendship another go.
5. It’s okay to be angry, as long as it doesn’t consume you either.
There will come a point when anger and hatred will replace what once was pain and sadness. It’s easier to deal with anger than pain, but just as exhausting. You’ve seen the monster in him and you probably think nonstop about how selfish and deceitful he is, how much of a coward he is and how vile and inhumane he’s become. You’ll associate him with villains, monsters or maybe even the devil himself, thinking “How could he do this?” I don’t blame you for being angry; you just lost who you believed was the love of your life. But just like sadness, don’t let anger get the best of you. Scream, throw a pillow or listen to empowering songs like Katy Perry’s “Part of Me” or Ashley Tisdale’s “It’s Alright, It’s Ok.” A lot of people who’ve gone through breakups say that one day you’ll wake up and just not care anymore. Wouldn’t it be nice to just feel nothing for the person rather than hate him for a long time? Remember: the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.
6. Be the better person.
Along with anger comes the desire for revenge and justice. You’re going to want to hurt him and wish him nothing but bad things, and if you do go through this phase, I hope you eventually realize that it’s a waste of your time and energy. It’s just not worth it. Don’t bash him on social media, call/text him saying how stupid he was for leaving you or even plot revenge schemes. Just be the bigger and better person. Stay calm, collected and classy. A few months or even weeks after the breakup, secrets might finally be revealed, questions might finally be answered – you might see him with another girl so quickly or learn that he actually cheated on you and you’ll see him parade the girl around without an ounce of respect left for you, but always remember to keep your cool and shrug it off. If he can replace you immediately after the breakup then that just says so much about him. It means that he does not know how to value people and you shouldn’t want to be with anyone like that. It will hurt and it will make you even angrier but never ever make a scene or show devastation, because he doesn’t deserve that satisfaction and you sure as hell know how much better you are.
7. Try looking at the brighter side of things.
I know it’s always easier said than done, but there’s always a good side to every bad event. The breakup could be a blessing in disguise. “God wrecks our plans when he sees that our plans can wreck us.” You are young, beautiful, and free, don’t let one little bump along the road keep you from living your life to the fullest. Appreciate the people around you who don’t make you a thousand promises but value you enough to always stay. Make time for your family and friends who love you unconditionally. Join more organizations, focus on your goals, and make new plans for the future. Traveling helps a ton! Think of it as a learning experience and come out a better person. If you were together with your boyfriend for three years, then what is three years to the rest of your life?
Why they can’t come back (if you’re ‘waiting and hoping’) — Susan Winter
8. Focus on yourself now.
Perhaps when you were in a relationship, it was always about selflessness and conquering life as a team, but now it’s time to be a little selfish and independent. All that matters now is you and what you deserve. A couple of months ago, I loathed my then boyfriend so much that I kept thinking about all the karma that he deserved but I realize now that I should just stop thinking about what he deserves and focus more on what I deserve. Stop thinking about getting back at him and start working on bettering yourself. Choose to excel more in school, get into sports or get a new hair color – anything, as long as it’s for your own happiness and well being.
9. Don’t give up on love just because some guy chose to give up on you.
Some people who’ve gotten their hearts broken often become cynical and put up these walls that stop themselves from ever falling in love again. To tell you the truth, I almost did. I used to tell my friends that I’d grow to be a bitter old hag with sixty cats, but you know what, why let one failed relationship define you? Nothing worth it ever comes easy after all. I don’t regret my past relationship because at one point in my life, it made me the happiest girl alive and that time will forever hold a special place in my heart. Every time you fall in love, you take a risk. Well I took a risk and ended up getting my heart broken. Who knows, it might happen again once or twice in the future. It’s a real challenge, but I’d like to believe that all these risks are going to be worth it when I finally find the right guy. I hope you believe as much as I do and fall in love whenever you can. It’s always better to love than to never have loved at all.
10. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve the very best.
Don’t settle for anyone mediocre just because you weren’t patient enough to wait for the very best. Don’t worry, that guy who just broke your heart isn’t the best, because the right guy wouldn’t have the guts to leave you. To anyone who’s going through the same hurt I’ve been through, know that you deserve even more than the love you know you can give. You deserve stability; someone who won’t ever walk out on you when things get rough. You deserve honesty at all times. You deserve to be treated right. You deserve faithfulness, respect and compassion; otherwise it isn’t love at all.
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